At Home in the Heartland

Growing

2012-01-15T20:32:00.000-06:00

Today I saw a young couple in church passing their baby girl between them. They were bouncing her, snuggling her, keeping her happy the way that you do with a seven-month old in church.

Could I remember my baby girl that way? Hmmmm...

At two months?

How about two years?!

It's silly, but I just felt so strange in that moment. Oh my gosh! Could I forget? Forget what it felt like to hold that baby?

She woke every night to nurse, until she was seven months old. I remember feeling surprised by how much I didn't mind. I enjoyed that dark, quiet time together. She was all mine and I was the only one in the world who could give her what she needed in that moment. Egotistic for sure. But it sure was great. Rocking her in the dark, making sure she knew I was always there.

Tonight we started reading a BOOK. After several moody mood swings this weekend and me telling her that we are sure to be in for more of the same over the next few (let's face it, TEN) years...I decided to get out the book. We'll read it together, or not, if she changes her mind. We just started tonight. It will tell her about hygiene and puberty, in ways that I may not be able to do. It said that girls experience these changes from age 8-13, I was shocked that she's in the age range. I thought I was so ahead of the game. Turns out, we're just in time.

I'm glad to be able to go through this time with her. But I know that a lot of it she'll do on her own. I'm not all she needs any more. I haven't been for a long time.

It's fine. Really.
I just had forgotten that it was different once.

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Have you been here yet?

2012-01-14T12:33:00.000-06:00

I do a lot of wandering around the internet when I've got ten minutes (or hours) to kill.

Have you seen They Draw & Cook?

I'd like to start a notebook of just recipes from this site, they are so pretty! I think it would be fun to frame a couple to hang in the kitchen too.

It's a little hard to explain, so just check it out for yourself. One of my favorite features is Dial-a-Dinner. No, I've never actually used the recipes that come up, but it's good fun to play around with. Some time, I think I'll gamble and just commit to making whatever pops up. Sort of like meal roulette.

Have fun!

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This IS the year

2012-01-11T09:58:00.000-06:00

I did it!

I said in my resolutions post yesterday that I wanted to make a framed reminder like Swistle's, so I did.
Perfection is out the window, just as she suggested. So there's a smudge on the first word. So my numbering is crooked. I got it done and now just need to figure out where to place it (which is why it was photographed on the steps...).

I don't want to keep it by the computer, I've got this third grader who would be very happy to check in on these and I want to keep these personal. As personal as it gets, posting them here!

So I'm going to tackle them one by one, and hopefully will be able to see by this time next year that I set a few goals and followed through.

Wouldn't that be a nice change?!

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Seriously...

2012-01-10T18:42:00.001-06:00

Do you look at National Geographic's Photo of the Day yet?!

Some of my favorite posts are the photos on this blog. I see one each day in my Google Reader and the stuff that comes up there is so great.

This is today's.

First of all, I want to go there. Be there. Now.

Secondly, wow! That's a great photo.

Good stuff.

Funny aside: I just asked the Buddy if he'd like to go there with me some day. He asked where it is. I replied Scotland. And he said, "Yeah. But put me in a wagon. Do they speak a different language?" No clue where he's going with all of this, but I sure love a five-year old's train of thought. Even if I'm completely confused by it.

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Resolutions

2012-01-10T09:00:00.000-06:00

I wasn't going to write resolutions because they are the same every year. And every year, I say - THIS IS THE YEAR!

---> I have the same 30 lbs. to lose.
---> My house is not ready for a magazine spread.
---> I have not managed to follow a routine or schedule to maintain productivity.

That being said, I still want to.

So...I will be resolved once again. Even if I am 10 days late to the party.

*use my Wii fit, go to the Y and take a class (yoga on Thursday!), take some walks
*make a new vegetarian recipe every week (we are not vegetarians...but I like the idea of trying new things)
*mail one note/card/letter per week
*follow that beautiful routine/schedule that I made last year (housekeeping routines etc)
*give my kids undivided attention every day...listen, learn, converse with them
*teach Bee and Buddy how to cook
*teach the kids about money and use a save/spend/give approach with allowance
*follow the save/spend/give approach myself

I have everything I need to make these happen...I may have to follow Swistle's example and make a pretty, framed version to remind me. Because THIS IS THE YEAR! No really! It is!!

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Cheers

2012-01-06T18:26:00.001-06:00

I don't know why I reserve champagne drinking for New Year's Eve? I should do more of that this year.

More champagne drinking.
More glass clinking.
More celebration.

Resolution made.

CARROTS

2012-01-04T08:20:00.002-06:00

We decided on Monday to dig up the remainder of carrots in our garden. Bee is always wanting "Bugs Bunny" carrots, so we left a few to see if they would get nice and big for her to chomp on.

It worked! How fun to dig up a huge batch of fresh veggies in winter. Luckily, the weather has been so nice, we didn't have to dig through snow and ice to get to them.

Now I've got a big batch of carrots in the fridge, minus the ones the kids ate, and am pondering carrot soup. I've never made it before, but this batch is just begging to be cooked up into a nice big pot of soup.

Does anyone else get that song stuck in their heads when I type that?!

           Carrot stew, carrot stew! It's our favorite thing to do.
           Get a pot and a carrot to two, and cook up a carrot stew.
           Nothing makes our tummies so full and keeps us happy too.

I had an orange Disney tape when I was a child and this song was one of my favorites.

I may just make the soup so that I can sing the song all day.

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January 5th, 2012: We had this carrot soup last night and it was delicious. I chose ginger for my spice, but then ended up adding some thyme because I'm impulsive like that. I went the heavy cream route for my first try, knowing that would make any soup tasty. I like that you could make a different variation each time. It was not hard to make and I love any excuse to use my newly purchased immersion blender. That's just good fun.

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A Little Pasta Angel

2012-01-03T08:28:00.000-06:00

This little angel was made lovingly by yours truly during Sunday School in 1986.

She has hung on a Christmas tree every year since.

I've glued her arms back on, a couple of years ago she lost half of her wings and this year her one arm actually disintegrated before my eyes. Painted pasta must have a 25 year shelf life.

I considered rebuilding her, trying to give her a few more years, but no. I decided to take a few pictures and then send her on her merry way. To live with the bunnies who made a home in my blankie at the dump when I was in 2nd grade.

My goal is to make these with my kids next year. They really are cute. And God bless the Sunday School teacher who had the patience to make these with us! I think it will be a fun little craft and then we can have lots of new pasta angels next year to hang on the tree.

Sometimes I get attached to the strangest things! It was hard to tell her goodbye.

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Happy News Year

2012-01-02T08:42:00.002-06:00

My mom said yesterday that she's calling this happy news year, as in we will have happy news all year long. I like that.

I don't write as much here as I used to, but still enjoy the reflections that it provides. Moments in time, saved here for me to read.

2011 ~ in reverse
December: Saying goodbye to my dear grandfather. What a mighty good man. Goodbye.

November: One post. ONE. But a good one all the same. Gratitude.

October: My kids' school is a really great place to learn. The plant feast was a lot of fun. Science in Action.

September: Again with the one post. Working outside of the home again has cut into my blogging. A Good Reminder to Obey the Law.

August: First day of school! I love the first day of school. Time Flies.

July: My B turned eight. Birthday posts continue to be a favorite for me. Eight.

June: Father's Day. Sniff. Dear Old Dad.

May: A start to our summer, what a terrific weekend we had. Memorial Day.

April: My Buddy turned five. Five.

March: Pondering what this blog is...what I write...and still haven't really figured that one out. The thing is, I am okay with it. I like my comfy little blog. No Niche.

February: While I do enjoy reading about Valentine's Day very much, the big news was finally selling our home in Omaha and making ourselves permanent residents of Kearney. What an exciting time! What's Up.

January: Though I'd like to forget, I never will. My friends endured the worst and I was only able to watch from 3 hours away. What a tragedy, I hope that they can enjoy a new year filled only with good news. It is happy news year, after all. I'm Fine.

On to 2012. Our happy news year. Happy News Year to you!

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Goodbye

2011-12-26T14:57:00.000-06:00

Two years ago, on December 19th, he turned 89 and we had a big party.
He turned 91 last Monday and we thought warm fuzzy thoughts about what a wonderful grandfather he is. I wasn't there for his birthday, but missed him all day long. I knew for sure that I'd make a visit over Christmas break.

Then on Saturday, he passed away. My Grandpa was granted entry into the pearly gates for Christmas this year.

Happy for him. Sad for us.

I will always remember:
*boots
*chocolate in the refrigerator
*a deep, slow voice
*a warm laugh
*bread and butter
*gentle hands
*oatmeal cream pies

He called me Melanie Rose. I like that.

Oh, I love my Grandpa Harold.
Heaven got one of our good ones this time.

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Some Days

2011-12-01T19:03:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wear sensible shoes.

There are no sparkles. No bows. No wow.

My feet feel happy all day long, regardless of their calm and quiet exterior.

I get home and my feet do not hurt. There are no cramps in my arches. My legs do not ache.

Sensible shoes are the way to go.

Even if they do not always get noticed. They are happy and feel good.

Ahhhhh.

I like sensible shoes.

GRATITUDE

2011-11-13T15:24:00.001-06:00

Last year I was inspired to make a gratitude garland.

I carefully stored it and was excited to bring it out again after Halloween. I was not disappointed when I got it out on November 1st, it is one of my favorite decorations.

I added to it this year, with a few berries and some extra rosettes.

I made four new leaves and we all wrote something we are thankful for:

Bee - Blessings

Buddy - Thanksgiving Party

Hubs - a job that I love

I also wrote the year on the back of the leaves, hopeful that we can use this for a few more years.

For my leaf, I went a different route this year and added a Bible verse that has touched my heart this fall. "The only thing that matters if faith expressing itself through love" Galatians 5:6. Now close your eyes and picture a world where people live those words. I guess I'm grateful that I get the chance to try. Through God's grace, I'm forgiven over and over and keep on trying.

I'm so thankful for so much. I love to spend time in November reflecting on that and giving credit where credit is due.

Amen.

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Halloween

2011-10-31T19:37:00.000-05:00

I spent way too much on candy this year. I'm not sure what happened?

So here I sit, in my Halloween socks, with my bat headband. Waiting for the party that never started...

Maybe there are too many other parties? My kids have already worn their costumes twice, received candy, and said trick-or-treat five million times. All before Halloween even came. We've had a few trick-or-treaters, maybe 20 or so, but I thought there'd be so many more.

Kids these days.

It's Murphy's Law, if I hadn't bought any candy - there would've been a line up the sidewalk of angry children demanding candy!! Speaking of that, do you watch Happy Endings? If not, you should start. I suggest the Halloween episode. It's HILARIOUS!

Happy Halloween!!!

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Pumpkins

2011-10-24T11:17:00.001-05:00

We spent yesterday at a huge pumpkin patch outside of Omaha and what a perfect day!

I had to work really hard not to let the fact that I had left my camera at my sister-in-law's ruin the perfect day. The weather was gorgeous, sunny and warm. The kids were happy and so excited. Hubs gave us a whole day, when he could have filled it with work to do's.

I wanted to take pictures of all of the beauty, but only had the Hubs phone. So we have a photo of the day, to remember the fun and excitement and warm fall weather.

Because really, the memories of that day are more important than the photos. We can make do with the phone pictures because we will hold that memory in our hearts - of how great a day spent together as a family can be!

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Frugal? In some instances, yes.

2011-10-16T19:38:00.000-05:00

In the interest of full blog honesty. Yes, I am the girl who holds her (cheap) eye shadow together with duct tape after it breaks because I like the color and there's a lot of it left.

I also have been known to use a sharpie to fill in the end of a particularly loved shoe to make it last to at least the end of the season. Who may also convince herself the next year that the particularly loved shoe can make it just ONE.MORE.SEASON.

Yes, that's me.

That is all.
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Science in Action

2011-10-12T09:17:00.000-05:00

Yes, my kids take tests at school. They are measured against normed group samples and then tested again to show progress. Yup, that happens.

What we all need to remember is that there are also some really great things going on in schools and that teachers work really hard to make that happen.

The assignment was for science. Bring three ideas of what you would like to bring for a plant buffet. My Bee looked at the fruit and vegetable sections of my two best cookbooks and wrote down 1. Cinnamon Apples 2. Cheesy Broccoli 3. Potato Salad. Hey mom! Did you know that broccoli is a FLOWER?!?!!

The third graders are studying plants in science and today they are having a grand feast of roots, stems, leaves, and flowers.

And we are bringing the flowers.
I say THANK YOU to every grade school teacher, you make such a difference in this world in ways that are amazing and special. There are special halos reserved just for you, I'm sure of it!

Happy soup

2011-10-10T08:11:00.000-05:00

The chili that I made this weekend was a little odd, made from random ingredients I already had. V8 instead of tomato juice, navy beans instead of chili beans, corn (?) for no reason other than I thought it sounded good.

What made the chili special were the tomatoes. The last from my garden. Beautiful red tomatoes, my last harvest. Diced and sauteed with onions and garlic.

There are some delicious left overs are in the fridge and waiting for my lunch today. Now that is a reason to be happy.

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2011-10-09T20:03:00.001-05:00

Things that are always in short supply at my house: scotch tape, markers, printer paper, glue sticks.

But hey - we are all decked out for Halloween!

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Because they won't be little forever...

2011-10-08T11:34:00.000-05:00

A pile of found things can be a very exciting thing around here

Today I choose pure joy over the complete mess of toys in our basement. My kids are still young enough to spend the day pretending all sorts of wacky things and I am choosing contentment in this time rather than frustration.

Joy. Contentment. Fun. What a perfect Saturday.

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A Good Remider to OBEY THE LAW

2011-09-01T16:58:00.000-05:00

I suffer horrible claustrophobia. I have always assumed it's because when I was three, I had a spinal tap under duress. My mom was made to wait outside of the room and I freaked. Or was I four? All I know is that my entire life, I've been afraid of small places, being restrained in any way, and locked doors.

Today, as a part of my new job, I delivered papers to our county's detention center. If a student receives special education services, they receive them anywhere...despite their current circumstances.

I was buzzed into a small space, a hallway really, and asked to wait. So I sat and waited. Calmly. I noticed all of the crickets, dead and alive, and thought about how lucky it was that I wasn't afraid of insects. A person would freak out in there if they were afraid of insects. I thought about how warm it was in that tiny hall, what with there being no ventilation. Then my eyes wandered to the door I'd come through. Locked. The door into the building? Also locked.

I rang that buzzer again. Hello? Is anyone coming? "Yes, ma'am. They're just clearing the lunch room." This is when I remarked, as calmly as I could, to the nice voice in the buzzer that I am horribly claustrophobic, and could I please just go wait back outside??? I think I heard a slight chuckle in his voice when he told me yes. When I was buzzed back in, the female officer told me to wait while she checked with the sergeant, to make sure it was okay for her to accept the work I was dropping off. I asked her, as calmly as I could, could I please go wait outside while she finds out? She was not amused. She buzzed me out.

A few minutes later the nice voice behind the buzzer told me that we were all set and I could go.
Thank goodness.

I was shaken.

So...I must remember to NEVER find myself an inmate. I would surely lose my mind!

I'm not even sure yet how I'll handle it next time I have to go there as an educator. Maybe the nice voice behind the buzzer will let me wait the entire time outside? Maybe I could just mail the papers?

Sigh.

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A Fun Little Game

2011-08-28T08:38:00.001-05:00

I realize that not everyone has this fun box of cubes, but you could use just about anything. Legos come to mind immediately.

First, Buddy would roll the dice. I had him tell me which two numbers came up, then he would count out that many cubes. Once he had the cubes, he found the corresponding card to put into the number sentence.

Then he would count up the total cubes and put the answer into the equation. At that point, he would read me the sentence. Six plus four equals ten. He touched it, he counted it, he saw it, he heard it.

His attention span was good for about five turns. We didn't play this game a lot over the summer, but I thought it was a fun idea!

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Wordless Wednesday: strange clouds over the neighborhood

2011-08-25T08:54:00.000-05:00

Click here for more WW.

2011-08-22T09:38:00.000-05:00

Time flies.

And now we are all in school. The kids will spend their days at our neighborhood elementary school, B is in 3rd grade and Buddy is a kindergartener. Wow.

J and I spend our days at local high schools. The Hubs is principal at our districts high school and I work for the public schools as a special education teacher in the resource room at a parochial high school. It's a strange position to be in, but so far I love it! I always say that the Hubs and I are such nerds about school that we decided to spend our whole lives going there.

This year is sure to be crazy busy, but so much fun. I can't wait to see what sort of brain expansion occurs. We have a new token economy for our screen time (it involve chips worth 30 minutes each and budgeting time for how to spend them). We started it this weekend and it worked great. I'm hoping that it helps reduce some of the fights for how to balance time. The kids will start fall activities in a couple of weeks and I'd like to get a solid school routine down before we get too far into the year.

The best part about this year? My hours. I work 12-4. Meaning that when I get home from dropping the kids off to school, I have a few hours to do chores/errands...and ahem, a little computer time.

It is balance that I seek, yet again. I think we are off to a great start for finding it this year.

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Here We Go Again

2011-08-18T07:42:00.000-05:00

So summer's over. Everything has changed.

We took a trip to Kansas City over B's birthday and I came back to a job interview and a new job. I'm going to be working afternoons as a special education teacher at our local parochial school and started last Friday. My head is so heavy with new information, it makes for very little room for anything else.

My own kids start school on Monday. My little Buddy is going to kindergarten and B will start third grade. Two school age kids in the house and we are all so excited! I tell everyone that the Hubs and I both love school so much we decided never to leave (we both work in high schools) so the whole kindergarten thing is NOT sad, but a cause for celebration! That doesn't stop me from getting a little nostalgic and perhaps a wee bit melancholy about the speedy passage of time and the lack of babies in my home and the massive changes that these kids have undergone in such a short period of time.

That being said, we are all very excited for the year to begin. I can't believe that my year off is over and here we are again. Working part-time is going to be a really great fit for the family, I'm grateful that it all worked out that way. Now if my brain can just catch up and comprehend everything it's been learning over the past week. I'll be good to go.

2011-07-17T11:36:00.000-05:00

A little trip down memory lane. The year our Bee turned 3. Look at that sweet little face.

Now it's five years later and we are approaching her 8th birthday. Time has a funny way of going really fast, but it also seems like that was so long ago. I'm not sure how that can be. All I know is that I'm so glad that I have the pictures to look at. To remember such fun times.

Pinatas. Ballons. Slip-n-slides. Games. Cake. More cake. Lots of laughs. And kids running everywhere. I get a little nostalgic for those parties, time and geography and made them a bit harder to do. I'm just so glad we had the chance to have so much fun. What better way to celebrate the birthday of such a great girl?!

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EIGHT

2011-07-12T10:04:00.000-05:00

This summer I will always remember as one of great growth and development for our Bee. She'll be eight next week. On her birthday, we will be at an amusement park in Kansas City. She will probably be riding her first roller coaster. She will be EIGHT.

Over the holiday weekend she lost two teeth in 24 hours. She's suddenly got the standard jack-o-lantern smile of any school age child.

She jumped off of the diving board for the first time ever on the second day of swimming lessons two weeks ago. It was with zero hesitation that she took her first dip in the deep end.

She tried out a rope swing on a lake and rode on a tube behind a boat minutes after her very first boat ride. She thought that a day spent at the lake was the very best thing she'd ever done (she feels that way often) and that it was definitely the BEST DAY EVER.

Maybe because she's our first, we've sheltered her a bit. Suddenly she's in the big world and trying new things with more energy and delight than anyone I've ever met. She's excited by small things and still loves being a kid.

It's off to third grade in August and I can only imagine what's next. I'm so glad to be her mom.

Honest, generous, creative, and sweet. Our Bee is such a joy.

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2011-07-03T11:02:00.000-05:00

This is the view from our deck. Over our fence, over the walking path, over a semi-busy road...there is this field. I absolutely love this view. The darker green is an alfalfa field that has just been harvested. It will grow back, be mowed again, and baled. It's fun to see the process, which we've watched three times over the year that we've been here. The lighter green is pasture, where cows roam and eat and moo. We watch storms come over the horizon and firelies dance at night. It makes me happy.

We've got such a different life here. The kids are currently out front with the neighbor kids, caring for a painted turtle that their dad found fishing. There's a freedom in their lives that is new and fantastic. I know that part of it comes with the independence of older kids, it's a great feeling to know that your kids are happy.

We've had picnics. Fireworks shows. They ride their scooters up and down the block. There are kids everywhere.

They've had their first boat rides. Summer day camps. Art and music classes. Nature hikes.

And lots of down time. It's been such a change of pace here and I LOVE IT.

August 1st will mark one year since we left Omaha. Yes, saying good-bye was hard, but there have been no regrets. Kearney is home.

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A Peek Outside

2011-06-30T10:59:00.001-05:00

Early in spring, I planted some herbs and watched them sprout by my kitchen sink. Teensy seedlings, I wondered if I'd ever really see them to harvest. I was not confident. The good thing is that by doing it this way, the kids were able to help out with planting and enjoy watching the growth. We've actually got one little patch of chives that have made it...and...

Real, live basil. Growing outside in my garden. I did that!

The rabbits may have eaten my peas and lettuce (you are welcome, rabbits). But my tomatoes, radishes, and carrots are looking promising! The tomatoes I bought as actual plants, but the radishes and carrots are seeds that the kids planted. (Gardening 101, I know, but we are rocking it!). I've managed to weed these small garden beds and keep them watered. We will have tomatoes very soon!

If you look a little closer...looky there! Green tomatoes, soon to be salsa and tomato sauce and also eaten like an apple.
Yummmmmmm.

I'm 0 for 3 on gardening experiences in the past ten years. This is the closest I've come to actual success. I read that basil is great to plant by tomatoes, so that's what we've done. Now if I can stick with it in coming weeks, and not let my attention span get me yet again. We may have actual veggies to eat from our yard!

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Dear Old Dad

2011-06-19T10:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Dad, on Father's Day,

I'm sorry I put your Jeep in the lake all those years ago. It was such a lovely shade of orange, if only my short little legs could've gotten that brake engaged before she went under in a bubbly disaster!

I'm sorry for the years 1992-1996. As a current parent of a daughter, I can only imagine what my dating years did to your nerves. I was a good girl, but can only imagine what you must've thought every time I dressed myself up for a date and headed out that door. I know that I will begin suffering the paybacks for that in about 6 years.

My apologies for my left-leaning, liberal ways. Despite your best attempts, your daughter is a democrat (gasp) and thanks for just letting that be. I know it must boggle your mind how you raised a child who would have such different views. Thank goodness you never let that come between us, though I know I drove you crazy in my undergrad days, trying to make you see the wisdom of my ways!

Thank you for taking me fishing when I was little, thank you for letting me hang around the garage, and thanks for letting me be me. I credit these experiences for my high school physics teacher assessment that I had great mechanical skills (the best of any "girl" he'd ever taught, but we'll skip over that little piece of sexism shall we?).

Thank you for being the grandpa that you are. My kids so look forward to coming to your house, they love you the way a kid should get to love a grandpa. For the tickles and candy and jokes. That's just how it's supposed to be.

You never shied from being the parent. From giving some tough love.

Thank you for loving my mom the way you do and thank you for teaching your kids about loyalty, hard work, and respect. I know that I found the right guy, a guy with many similar traits, because you set that bar high.

If only everyone had a dad like you. What a world that would be.

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I love you. Most ardently.

2011-06-18T17:16:00.003-05:00

I need your help.

I'm not sure how, but in 19 years of formal education, I have read ZERO of Jane Austen's books. How is this possible?!

My friend Nan wrote of her husband's use of Austen's text (which was a hilarious post, by the way) and I was certainly humbled. How have I not read any Austen?

I love LOVE love the movies. I own Emma, Pride & Prejudice, and Sense & Sensibility. These are common go-to movies for a lazy Sunday. They take me to my happy place and guarantee an afternoon well spent.

This is where the help comes in. I'm not sure where to start. I'm determined to cure my affliction. I will complete at least three Austen novels this summer. Where to start? Is there a good sequence? Or do I just read them all in chronological order?

Please help cure me of this status. I cannot handle being a person who has not read Jane Austen any longer. What should I read....where should I start. Thank you in advance for you help. It is most appreciated.

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TEN

2011-06-02T09:08:00.001-05:00

I wrote about My Love on our 6th anniversary. I also wrote on our 8th anniversary.

Today, we celebrate a decade of marriage. When I look back, it seems like a big deal and a long time and a huge milestone.

When I look forward...not so much.

For there will be 20 years, then 30, 40, 50...and hopefully more after that. Ten years seems like nothing when you look at it facing the future.

I joke often about marriage being a life sentence, but I mean it.

If I had it to do again, I would. Over and over again.

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Peonies

2011-05-31T09:25:00.000-05:00

pe·o·ny [pee-uh-nee] –noun, plural -nies.

any of various plants or shrubs of the genus Paeonia, having large, showy flowers, as the widely cultivated species P. lactiflora: the state flower of Indiana.

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Peonies are one of my favorite flowers. Growing up, we had lots of them all over the acres we lived on (and where my parents still live). They make me feel nostalgic and happy and hopeful. That's a lot to ask for in a flower!

Imagine my joy when I found a long row of them on the south side of the house we purchased last summer. I've had such a good time watching them grow this spring. Now that they are blooming, I just like to sit out there and look at them. The smell is so flowery, the blooms so pretty.

It's one of my favorite parts of our yard.

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Memorial Day

2011-05-30T15:45:00.001-05:00

On Memorial Day - we honor those Americans who have fought bravely for our freedom. My own children boast three great-grandfathers who are WWII veterans. One of whom is still with us, class of '38 (blows my mind!).

Those people, those amazing members of our military, have enabled me to have the all-American weekend.

Including, but not limited to:

pitching a tent in the yard, watching the kids play "camping" all day on Saturday
strawberry rhubarb pie ala mode (with rhubarb grown and delivered by a sweet neighbor!)
a fire in the pit, used to roast hot dogs and marshmallows (s'mores, yes please)
a movie in an air-conditioned theater, with bottomless buttered popcorn and sodas
planning and dreaming of a family trip to K.C. this summer
an endless supply of popsicles in the freezer
church on Sunday and a bucket o' chicken for lunch
rootbeer floats
washing cars in the driveway with daddy
watering, weeding, and growing lettuce, radishes, onions, spinach, and carrots
a movie at home (with more pie, popsicles, etc) as a family

It's officially summer and we are happy. The kids are obsessed with campers and want to OWN an RV. Talks are in progress about renting one next year and taking a big family road trip.

It's the freedom we have that lets us dream big and enjoy this life. Thank you to each and every person who has given their own time, or their life, for the freedom that allows us all of this.

We will never take this for granted.

THANK YOU.

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Another Photo of the Day

2011-05-27T10:38:00.000-05:00

Don't you want to go there? RIGHT NOW?!

This picture is of Inishowen, Ireland. Photograph by Dave Johnston, Your Shot. Photo of the Day by National Geographic continues to be one of my favorite blogs. The photos are so beautiful and I often set ones like this one as my desktop wallpaper. I even put one on my phone. My kids often ask about the photos when they see them on the screen and it has been a great conversation starter. We end up talking about where Italy or Ireland or Iceland is and often have to pull up a map so that they can see it.

[By the way, I'm not paid for this, it's not an advertisement. I just like to share things that I like...that's all.]

I Am 33 Years Old...I Think

2011-05-24T09:24:00.002-05:00

I had a dream last night that I COULD NOT remember how old I was. I tried to remember my birthday and subtract the years. I tried to ask people. Nothing worked. I was so confused as to how this could happen, and guessed myself to be somewhere around 38 years old.

It was so strange.

For some reason, I really do feel a bit like that this year. My birthday is in October and this year I will be...34. I had to think about it AGAIN.

Maybe it's because I'm in a strange age range. Not exactly young anymore, but somewhere in between.

I've read a ton of novels this year and have felt this strange disconnect with how old I am while reading. Several books placed the protagonist at a sturdy age of 35. She is successful professionally, but either newly divorced or never married. Looking for love. And finding it. As I was progressing through the book, I realized that I was picturing this woman as OLD. And wondering why she hadn't settled down yet. (Not everyone gets married at 23, Mel, remember that). Then I had this moment of revelation, this character is my age. I could picture her as a friend, a peer. Huh.

Thirty something is just a strange place to be. My friend and I have discussed several times about the challenge of what to wear. No longer wanting the same style we wore in college, but not ready for more mature styles either. My friend laughs when I say it, but I mean it when I tell her that I am excited to be old. I hope that I live to the age when I can happily wear a loose button up and some elastic waisted pants. I want to drink coffee and eat doughnuts before my water aerobics class with my pals. I want to take a bus trip to Wisconsin. I am going to rock old age.

But for now, I have to figure this time out. This in-between phase.

A good start would be the ability to state my age without having to subtract back to my birth year.
33, 33, 33, 33.
Why can I not remember that?!

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May Flowers

2011-05-10T12:15:00.000-05:00

March rolled around and we had a few beautiful days. I got SO excited, we cleared flower beds, prepared soil, got everything ready so that we could plant. I took pictures of the buds on trees and coming out of the ground. I watched things sprouting up, wondering what our yard would look like in the spring. There's something so fun about your first spring in a new house. We had no idea how many plants the previous owners had and we have a ton of landscaping around our yard.

I watched and I waited. Waited. And waited.

April was COLD. And rainy. Dreary. Cloudy. Snowy.

Where was spring?

FINALLY, this past week, it warmed up. We planted lettuce and carrot seeds in our future veggie garden . We mulched elsewhere and put in some perennials.

I'm happier here than I've ever been. I love being outside and enjoy gardening. I'm weeding, I'm planting...I'm playing in the dirt. It's so great! For the first time in a few years, I put in the effort to get some annuals and enjoy their color, even if it's just for this year.

So this summer there will hopefully be lots of fresh veggies, flowers to arrange and put inside. Butterflies visiting. And birds singing.

Yesterday M and I watched a bright red male bird singing a song that soon attracted a dull colored female. We watched her come to visit and then fly away. We laughed when he quickly followed. "Wait!" We imagined him saying, "Wait for me!". It was one of our favorite episodes of Life, come to life in our own yard.

Spring has sprung and it was so worth the wait!

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FIVE

2011-04-13T17:15:00.000-05:00

"You melt my heart." I told him that, just now. "What's melt?" he asks me. I pat my chest and tell him that he makes my heart hurt, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Then they were playing a game, they are running away. He actually stopped to make sure I was okay. I pretended to be distraught, and his eye began to water for real, he didn't want to upset me. "I wouldn't really want to leave you", he wanted to make sure that I knew.

And now my baby is five. His birthday was Monday and we're spending a birthday week of family visits and a friend party and cakes and cookies and doughnuts.

I've registered him for school. We've got the kindergarten round up on Friday.

When he was first here, just newborn, we spent 10 tired days sleeping on the couch. I could lean over and lay him in his carrier and he would cry. He just wanted to be right there, up on my chest. I would pseudo-sleep, propped up, so terrified that I would let him slip or fall. I joked to J that he would think his name was Buddy, because I called him my little Buddy. Wherever I go, he goes.

It's been that way a bit this year. We spend hours and hours together. Buddy and me. It's been the perfect, perfect way to spend the year before kindergarten. The bond is solid, he has no question where we stand. If he will allow it, he will be my Buddy for as long as I live.

Sigh.

So he's five. And the years he has spent on earth have been beautiful and wonderful and fantastic.

And the other morning he informed me that herbivores eat only plants and that his eczema is complicated.

Oh the places he will go.

I love you, Buddy. With all of my melted heart.
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Photo of the Day

2011-04-05T08:05:00.000-05:00

Photo by Joel Sartore, National Geographic

One of my favorite feeds in my Google Reader is National Geographic Photo of the Day.
Imagine my surprise when the image this morning was from my home state, from right up the road, actually.
It is a sight to see.

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Magic

2011-03-27T20:47:00.003-05:00

My B, my beautiful 7-year old daughter, wrote a letter to Santa last week. Yes, it is March. She made sure to immediately clarify to me that it is NOT a request for gifts.

Dear Santa,

I am B. I am 7 year old and I have a prablum! This is not my Christmas list, My problum is My teacher beleaves in magic but I know kids that do not, I am very comefused!? P.S. I am trying to find the magic (I sill beleave) but I can't find it!? Will you write me back? Love B!

Oh, my heart. Does Santa write her back? Does Santa tell her about magic?

How do I help her to see that SHE IS MAGIC. I hope that someday she'll understand that. The distress all began because she's got friends who do not believe in fairies or Santa or elves. It's obviously caused her a lot of confusion. I remain vague and tell her that someday it will all make perfect sense and that I will explain it all to her in great detail.

And man I hope by then I have the perfect answer for her! Until then, she may need to just receive a form letter from the business office at the North Pole. It seems the sensible option. A child like B needs to be rewarded for her hard work in pursuit of magic and for bringing so much of her own into my life.

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No Niche

2011-03-24T10:18:00.003-05:00

I'm not particularly funny.
I don't have a special talent.
I've been in the middle of the pack for most things I have tried or joined in my life.

My interests vary and are not specific to one thing. I love scrapbooking, I enjoy gardening, photography, and decorating. I like crafts. I am a pretty good parent. I enjoy the field of education with regards to my career, but have completely embraced full-time parenting/house-wifeness and could picture doing it long term. I like to think of ways to make holidays special. And I like to entertain.

That would be the range of topics that I read about daily, a wide variety that appeals to my deficient attention span.

I've been reading a ton lately on design and home updates because it's what my focus has been lately. We have been trying to get our house here organized and are trying to achieve that *permanent residence* feeling that it had been lacking.

When I read about others' accomplishments, I'm amazed at their energy and talents for the things they are trying to achieve.

I think I'm somewhat lacking in the energy and talent area of my life. I wonder sometimes if the reading that I do helps to motivate me or helps me to feel lacking.

I really enjoy a good sit with a cup of tea and a good book. Even my taste in books is pretty mild. I enjoy a fiction novel written about friends/family, but do not enjoy suspense, mystery, drama, or anything that's too sad. I like chick-lit. Light, funny, and happily ended. Throw in some non-fiction that references the interests mentioned above and you've pretty much got the range of my reading list.

I wonder sometimes if this makes me shallow? We drove to a fun outing with some new friends a few weeks ago and I almost felt rebellious as I voiced my dislike for anything scary, suspenseful or violent (she was a fast-driving, zombie movie loving, active woman). I could feel her rolling her eyes from the front seat.

I am vanilla, which also happens to be my favorite scent and flavor.

I have decided to be okay with that. I just don't know where that leaves me with this site. This site where I've enjoyed sharing, writing, and rambling. Vanilla is fine. But where does that leave one's blog? Maybe I should rename it Vanilla Mom.

Best to think a bit more on this. I'm just not sure at this point.

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Lots of Tiny Messes Making for a Messy House

2011-03-12T11:35:00.001-06:00

I love it that my kids are imaginative, creative, and honestly...pretty wacky. It's great that they are constantly creating new "games". They play puppies, homeless kids (set in different places, an alley, the dump, and other depressing type settings...as imagined from their centrally heated suburban home), they are super heroes, or shop owners. Today they are using some cardboard from recent online purchases to turn one of their bedrooms into a clubhouse. The styrofoam from inside, a mansion for their action figures, pet shop pets, etc.

I honestly do love it.

But, but, but...did you feel the but coming?!

Nice and neat

It is such a MESS! I love toys in their categorized bins. Labeled and tidily stacked on shelves. I enjoy clean floors and sorted toys and tidy rooms. It just doesn't happen very often without a lot of work on my part.

Can you see what's under the step stool? Take a closer look...

Apartment living at its finest, Wall E's come for tea...

I struggle for the balance between nagging them about picking up and sitting back to enjoy their creative process. They just ran past, I think this morning they are super heroes. Apparently my little guy can turn people into lemons...his sister can turn into a baby wolf or a grown-up wolf. They are currently howling at the moon.

Last night's adventure,

turning packing materials into a luxury condo...

The pet shop friends scored a corner penthouse suite...

Who needs a clean house when you can have fun like that!

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What's Up

2011-02-24T18:17:00.000-06:00

TOMORROW, another person will sign a stack of papers and officially own our Omaha home. Crazy.

I had no idea how emotional I would be last weekend as I spent a couple of hours cleaning out the last of our belongings and shutting the door, with our garage door openers and keys inside. Good-bye house, I told it. I really do hope he'll be happy there, we were. And even when times were really rough, it was a great house to come home to.

That being said, I have been really getting into making our new house our HOME. I've been looking at plant stands on line, wall hangings, side tables...shopping for light fixtures, and thinking about paint colors. I even bought a coat hook that you screw into the wall to replace our current situation of those stick on hooks that currently hold the kids' stuff.

With spring approaching, I find that we're making all sorts of plans. To see family, to visit with friends, to travel. I feel a weight lifting and it's fantastic.

Speaking of weight, I've also been busy trying to prepare and eat super healthy (and delicious) meals in an effort to shed what I still think of as the baby weight. My baby turns five in April...IT'S TIME. Have been getting more physical activity, eating less, throwing more fruits and veggies into the picture. It feels so great.

That's the run down. Nothing new here. But really, so much NEW. Our lives are so completely different than they were one year ago today. All good things.

All good things.
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A Sweet Day

2011-02-14T09:26:00.000-06:00

Valentine's Day is especially sweet this year. We're in the process of finishing our home sale in Omaha and enjoying the feeling of our new home being PERMANENT.

The kids have talked about nothing but pillow pets since Christmas (can you imagine? Our home had NO PILLOW PETS!) so were gifted this morning with their very own pillows/pets. Excitement, pure joy. There were also gifts from my parents, more excitement. And waffles! On Valentiney paper plates! MORE EXCITEMENT!

Then everyone was off to school/work/the daily routine. But maybe with a slight spring in our step.

I think that's what I like most about the little holidays, and the big ones. It's a day to change the routine, even if just a little. A day to point out the each other - hey, I really like you and the life we share together.

For the Hubs and I, a small token shared between friends, spouses, partners. An awesomely cheesy 80's compilation CD for me and some chocolates for him.

Hey Hubs - I like you and the life we share together. SO MUCH.

What could be better than that?!

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A Love-ly Giveaway

2011-02-09T09:05:00.000-06:00

Reluctant Entertainer is doing a really nice giveaway today, inspired by love.

Head over if you'd like to enter. She's got three great books and a fun apron to send to the winners!

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Up to our ears in papers...

2011-02-02T13:15:00.001-06:00

We sold our house in Omaha! Very exciting...but also causing inevitable piles of paper and more paper. We are working on getting things settled in Omaha and in our new town. It's SO *FUN.

As luck would have it, we're doing all of the home buying/selling paperwork during tax season, so are also trying to keep those papers together to so that we can get that out of the way.

It all feels like a game of Monopoly, or maybe the game of Life. Is this really something we know how to do?! Not really. We are the ones who are supposed to be the grown ups in this situation? Really. Huh.

Will there ever be an age where I feel competent to do such big things?

While I ponder this, I think I'll procrastinate the taxes a bit longer and play another game of Angry Birds. Now there's something that will put off me feeling like a grown up for just a little bit longer. I'll face adulthood later on today.

[* - FUN if you consider paperwork and problem solving and phone calls and decision making "fun", I personally do not.]
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In the Planning Phase

2011-01-24T11:26:00.000-06:00

This week I'm dreaming of spring. Join the club, right?

We've got some garden space in a corner of our yard. It's sunny, spacious, and just outside the back door to our garage. There are some actual garden boxes, which were not planted last year. We have no idea what was in them previously.

I'm picturing herbs, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots. There will be planting and mulching and weeding.

I'd love to get my kids involved, I think it would be a great way to get these town-living kids a bit more time outside.

Previous attempts at gardening on my part have been completely unsuccessful. Picture lots of weeds and ginormous, mutant zucchini squash.

My B is seven now, turning eight this summer. It's time I started taking more time to teach her the important skills of cooking, and the work that goes into bringing food into our home and to the table. Her brother starts kindergarten in August, I need to recognize that there are things he can be helpful with also.

I'm the stereotypical mom who is forever shooing the kids out of the kitchen. Cooking is my *me* time and it's time I got over that.

So I've got two goals for myself:
*putting my kids to work in the kitchen (prep and clean up)
*a small, successful herb/vegetable patch this summer

Dreaming of such things helps me get through this time of winter, when the sparkly snow is still beautiful, but we are all growing weary of the cold.
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I'm Fine

2011-01-10T11:45:00.000-06:00

There's a scene at the end of Steel Magnolias where a friend asks Sally Field how she's doing following her daughter's funeral. She's says, "I'm fine." Then yells it, "I'M FINE!!!!!!!!!" She goes on to say that while her daughter is now buried in the ground, she is fine and healthy, and that it feels rotten.

That's a bit how I've felt this past week. My friends at the school where I taught up until this year faced tragedy. The kind that makes national news. It has been awful, gut-wrenching, and heart-breaking. But I'm fine.

It has brought back to my mind how much I miss my school and my friends there. I miss the routine of going there every day and seeing everyone. I miss teaching. But I'm fine.

They lost one of their administrators to this awful event, they will say good-bye to her tomorrow. The head principal was also shot and faces a long road back. The people left to run the school have a mountain of work ahead of them, all the while trying to deal with their own emotions.

Meanwhile I'm snowed in and unable to be there to give my friends a hug. But really, I'm fine.

I have so much swirling in my head about school shootings and angry teenagers and tragedies and why. But I'll just leave them there. This was something I thought about almost every day when I worked there, knowing that an angry teenager with a gun could cause so much pain.

There were people who told me last week that they were glad I wasn't there any more, that they were so glad that I was safe. It's been so weird how differently I feel about that. I can't be there, I wasn't there, and I'm fine.

Fine just doesn't always feel so good.

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Here We Are Again...

2011-01-01T09:17:00.000-06:00

Our New Year's Eve was much the same as it's been the past two years. A new game to play with the family (this year - Jenga!), a movie, and toasts. I love making toasts as a family. The kids drink their sparkling juice in fancy glasses, Hubs and I enjoy a glass of champagne. To family! To another great year! To selling our house in '11! We also toasted to goals in the next year, the kids even made goals for Mollie, our family dog. Apparently she's going to get more exercise and pee ONLY outside.

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When I started writing here in 2006, it was just in time to make a list of resolutions. I feel like I've kept those same resolutions year after year, because really, they are not the kinds of things you can do and then be finished with? They are mostly just a list of things I want to be doing all the time as a functioning member of my family, so plan to keep doing now, four years later.

I have some resolutions for TODAY.
* Take down the Christmas tree and put the storage containers in the basement.
* Finish 2010 photo book, which is my annual new year's tradition.
* Make lasagna.
* Eat lasagna.

Lofty goals for this cold winter's day.

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Comfort and Joy

2010-12-30T21:04:00.000-06:00

Home Sweet Home.

The tree is still up. I plugged in every light this evening, inside and out.

We are awaiting our first winter storm, with anticipation and excitement.

Little winter friends sit all around the house, we've been waiting for it to feel like winter.

My house has this warm glow. It's all sweet and shiny.

On Saturday, most of the decorations will come down, as is the new year's tradition. But tonight, I'm savoring this bit of holiday that is left at our house.

It's been a week to remember. Healthy kids, good weather for travel, lots of good times with family to cast a magical haze over this holiday.

Legos. American Girl. G.I. Joes. And fairies.

Gratitude. Peace. Love. Joy. And Hope.

Happy New Year.

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Gma Pat

2010-12-21T18:02:00.002-06:00

I think of her often. My grandma, my dad's mom. Actually, I'm lucky enough to still have both of my grandmothers. A fortune I am very aware of and so completely grateful for.

She's still here, living with her husband of 62 years (a husband who turned NINETY this week!). Sometimes I get sad that I don't see them more, but try not to dwell on that. Focus on the positive, that's what I'm trying to do.

I identify with my grandma, her mom too. I think I look like them.

It's my grandma's hands that make me think of her most. When I'm sitting at the table, a mug of something warm. My hands go to the napkin or coaster and sort of slide it back and forth while I sit. And then I think of grandma Pat and how she does that too. I wonder if she's doing it that very minute. Then I smile.

I put my thumb to my mouth, sort of resting it on the spot where my teeth are crooked. I do it all the time while I think. Just like Grandma.

It will be something that stays with me my whole life. I'm just sure.

I only hope my life can be as long and full and wonderful as the one she is living. That I can convey the peace, the contentment, the calm that she does.

Better visit grandma this holiday, I think maybe I'm missing her just now.

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Grandma's mom, that's me on her lap.

(This is one picture I didn't have to make sepia, time has done that all on its own.)

Grandpa, Grandma, and me. Confirmation Day, 1991

Gee! Those are some puffy sleeves, Mel.

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The Last Bit of Autumn

2010-12-19T10:02:00.000-06:00

These pictures are from November...can you believe the kids were running around in short sleeves?! They were shocked when we got down to the pond in their favorite park and it was empty! We discussed why the Parks & Rec department had to do that and when the little creeks would be filled with water again to fill the pond. This little park has been a beautiful way to note the changing seasons for a couple of kids who live in town. I could point out the purple flowers, now gone, that were covered in bees earlier in the fall (my son is terrified of bees and was so pleased to find them gone!).

Impromptu trips up to the park are another example of what we've done with the gift of time we've been given this year!

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Ornaments

2010-12-17T10:13:00.002-06:00

Click on the collage if you want to see the tiny squares...

Each ornament on our tree holds some sort of memory, a story. We will not make any magazine lay outs. We will not win any prizes for the perfection that is our tree. But each year we enjoy getting out each one. Remembering the who, the when, the where. I have the ornament from my first Christmas. The ones I received from grandparents. Ones that I made. I also have some that hung on my grandparents' tree and a few from my parents'.

Both kids have an ornament box with their name on it. They love getting out their small collection of ornaments, remembering each one. Deocrating the tree is like a trip down memory lane.

The photos from the collage are from several different years. I can't help myself, each year I take the pictures knowing that there are plenty already! There is something about the beauty of that tree with the lights and all of those funky oraments. I just sit at night at look at it.

It's just one more thing that makes this season a highlight of our year!

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'09

2010-12-15T09:57:00.000-06:00

One more year of memories, then I can get up to date with all of the fun we've had so far this year.
It seems a little silly, considering there is a post from last year I can look at. Merry Merry. But it's the PICTURES that I love to look at! They tell such a story all on their own.

Last year, it was all about snow. And snow. And snow! Luckily we had already had lots of family Christmas celebrations before the big storm, so no plans got ruined and we really did just enjoy the time at home.

I can't believe Christmas is next week already! In my head, we've just moved here...school has just started...I honestly have to look at the calendar every day to remember that it's mid-December!

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'08

2010-12-11T15:23:00.001-06:00

We're up to 2008. My B is in kindergarten (kindergarten!!) and her brother is no longer a baby brother. She now can use that word, "brother", with that tone that all sisters can use. But they really do like each other, almost all the time.

We enjoyed the season so much with two kids who know how to have some fun!

Two weeks to Christmas and we've got so many new memories to make!

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Engaged

2010-12-09T11:41:00.000-06:00

We interrupt this tour of Christmases past to remember December 8th, 2000. What a night. The night I got engaged! Seems like something worth noting, a decade of commitment...this June we'll celebrate ten years of marriage.

I wrote the story of how it happened here.

And wrote about our time together here.

What amazes me most is how long ten years sounds...but how short it has felt. How quickly the time passes, how easy it will be to spend ten more years together. And ten after that. And God willing, ten more and more and more and more...

And by easy, I don't really mean easy. Because sheesh, being married is work. But work that is worth it.

So worth it.

Our first Halloween together, we were engaged six weeks later.

A perfect match.

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'07

2010-12-06T09:21:00.003-06:00

After posting the pics from 2006, it felt right to move on. A tour of Christmases, I guess.

There were too many, I just couldn't pick! When in doubt, I make a collage. (If you click on it, you can see it extra large.)

What strikes me is the difference that one year could make. The year before my little guy was a chubby-cheeked, 7-month old. Then he's a toddler, running around the house like he owns the place.

And my girl, there she is suddenly a long-haired preschooler.

That year, 2007, that was a ROUGH year. When I look at these pictures, I remember none of that. I'm so happy that you cannot see it on the faces of my kids. They are happy, healthy and full of spirit.

If the camera had turned on me, you would have seen an grief-stricken mom with bronchitis and pneumonia.

But it doesn't matter anymore, which has me smiling this morning. We made it!!

It feels good to me to look back. I'm so grateful for where that past has gotten us, today being so good as it is. And yes, it makes me a little weepy too.

As it should.

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2010-12-03T07:49:00.001-06:00

Oh the cuteness. The kids and I were scrolling through November of 2006 this morning.

My heart.

Conversation Unraveling

2010-12-01T12:47:00.000-06:00

I had him sit with me while we ate some lunch. Leftover sloppy joes and mac n cheese.

I saw it coming, though I wasn't sure of the reason.

His face got a little sad.

"I'm full of this macaroni now. I need some apple bread."

I encourage him to have a bite, he loves mac n cheese (it's even kraft, from a box, his favorite kind).

"No. I'm full of this macaroni!" Now he's near tears and running from the table.

I ask him come back to the table and sit with me. Buddy, it's your favorite lunch, just eat a few bites.

He yells from across the room, "BUT WHAT IS THAT GREEN STUFF??!?"

Oh, damn my love of basil. I screwed up the macaroni by trying to add flavor!

Lesson learned. Once again.

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Baking

2010-11-24T20:04:00.001-06:00

Baking pies is my Thanksgiving tradition, which is a comforting task before the holiday.

I just put my little crock of leftover pumpkin pie batter in the oven just now, a trick I learned from my friend, Jacque. One of many. I think she called it pumpkin pudding. And oh my goodness, yum. To think, I'd just dumped that leftover goodness down the drain before she showed me the light.

She passed away on Thanksgiving and I guess there's no way to forget that, ever. But I'll be a little sad tonight and then just thankful tomorrow.

I miss my friend, but I have such faith that she is in the best place. And that when I get there, she'll have more to teach me. Maybe even mentor me there.

If I get to pick, it will be so.

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A Thankful Season

2010-11-18T09:45:00.001-06:00

It's my favorite way to set a fall table, a tray of gourds. The colors make me happy.

This is the corner next to our table. Each piece means something to me. The plant that a friend gave me as a going-away gift when I left school last spring. A rocker that was my dad's when he was a child. A clock that used to reside on my grandparents' mantel. A figurine of a mother, given to me by my own mom. When I sit at my table and look at this, it makes me feel happy.

Then I can look out our back door, which is right behind our table, and watch the sun set. It is a beautiful sight that I marvel at each evening. As if I'm surprised that it happens each day. There's an alfalfa field across that road and some cows go out to graze just beyond that. When they're let out to pasture, we can hear them moo. We live in town, but have the best country view.

I have no point here. Except maybe that I'm at peace again. We've settled in and are making this home. I still miss things about Omaha every day, but am feeling more content right where I am.

My mom asked me this summer (while I was in the middle of a big fret), "Do you have what you need for today?" Well, yes I do. I keep asking myself that question, almost daily. The answer so far has been yes every time. Then why on earth would I sit and worry.

I have what I need for today.

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2010-11-11T07:56:00.001-06:00

My sister and I had talked that morning and I shared with her that I was going on a preschool field trip that very day. "You're living the dream!" she said. And you know what. She was right.

My very first preschool field trip.
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Halfway to Five

2010-11-09T16:46:00.005-06:00

Thinking deep, thinky thoughts

There's this intensity to my boy. A fierceness that's tough to describe.

An example: last night when he went to bed, we were discussing lego houses. He'd like me to build some to resemble the ones in the book we'd read. The first thing he said to me this morning when I woke him up? "Build me those lego houses!"

That sums it up. He's beyond explanation.

Tough guy. Thinker. Builder. Playful. Energetic.

And sweet. Gentle. Loving.

My little man keeps on growing. The great part is, I get to be along for the ride.

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Inspired

2010-11-04T09:15:00.000-05:00

I don't have much at my house to decorate for Thanksgiving. I insist on waiting for Christmas decorations until the weekend after Thanksgiving, which means sometimes our house is a little unadorned in November. I was lucky to be gifted a few things from my mom when we moved. She was cleaning out her holiday stuff and I told her I was in need of some pilgrims. So now at least I have a couple of pilgrims, a turkey, and two Native American children. A good start.

I was so happy to come across a post as I was wandering around on the internet the other day. It tells how to make a Thanksgiving Garland Project. I found myself completely inspired to do some decorating with gratitude in mind. Something I've been trying to focus on for months.

I feel like only good things can come when you bring an attitude of thankfulness into your home. For we are so grateful for everything that we have and for each other.

My end product is much simpler than the inspiration photo, but I like it and it fits perfectly in our home. The kids helped with the words we put on the leaves and were excited to see them tied on with ribbon. I even tried my hand at a few of the fabric rosettes, they turned out okay and add a little color. It is a great addition to get us through to December when we'll get out the Christmas decorations.

I ended up making this wordle too and picked up a candlestick 1/2 price at our hobby store.
The Thanksgiving decor is coming along!

My whole point was to recognize gratitude in our house and I feel grateful to Tatertots and Jello for the starting point!

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A Jedi and a Flapper

2010-11-01T09:45:00.000-05:00

We definitely know who Luke Skywalker is. We'd watched movies 4, 5, 6 last spring and loooooooooove Star Wars! So our little guy was a Jedi for Halloween. Easy. He even got his first light saber. Joy.

B was a little tougher. I knew she'd make a cute flapper. Fringe? Beads? Sparkly shoes? Sold! I showed her some images of the 1920's and she was hooked. Though next year, she wants me to remember that she plans to be a hippy. She "admires their way of life". Okay then.

Our first Halloween in a new town. Grandparents were in town for lunch and we all went to the high school's production of Wizard of Oz in the afternoon. Then it was trick or treating after a dinner of potato soup. My favorite. Yummmmmmmmm.

Aside from chilly temps, it was a great night. The kids had fun and we had some family time.

Loot! (Early on...you bet there was more where that came from!)

A little to hand out too.

With each week that passes, we are more at home.

This morning B asked, "Is it November 1st?!" Yes it is. She said it was sad because now it will just get colder and colder. We'll have to talk later about the bonuses, the good with the not-so-good. Thanksgiving! Basketball season! Christmas! Snow days! New Year! Things to look forward to. All good things.

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Apples!

2010-10-29T07:40:00.000-05:00

Early in October, the kids and I drove out into the country after school. There's a small apple orchard where you can go walk around and then purchase apples. What a fun day. The weather here has been perfect this month. As it dips a little lower in temperatures each week, I'm sad to see it go.

I guess I'm just glad that we took lots of opportunities to enjoy it while it lasted!

Meandering

2010-10-07T12:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at 11 AM, I marinated some chicken for supper while my lunch (left overs) heated up in the microwave. I left that in the fridge for later and headed downstairs to watch Brothers and Sisters on my DVR while I ate my left over spaghetti. The Buddy was watching a cartoon on the computer while he had an after-preschool snack. An unwinding of sorts.

This isn't how we do it every day. Some days there's lunch together at the table with meaningful conversation. We don't seem to do anything the same two days in a row.

When he was done with his snack, we played play doh and then went to pick up his sister. B and the Buddy played on the playground for a while when she came out because it was a beautiful sunny day and because they felt like it. I took them out for icees after that, just because.

I feel like a kid skipping school some days. Reading a novel smack dab in the middle of the day. Or watching a t.v. show. It's so weird.

This time is such a gift, this at-home year. My home is my priority and I've been trying to give our family as much of my time and attention as I can.

That being said, I also am still a human. Imperfect as ever. I still have rotten, poor-me days. My kitchen, right now, is destroyed. I need to do dishes and sweep up. I am not in a great routine with all of that yet. But am definitely working on it.

The thing about it is that I cannot believe how great it feels to be given this gift of time. This in-between breathing room. It's fantastic.

I just wonder if I'll ever realize that this is my REAL life and I'm not just playing make believe. Somehow it's not quite reality yet. It feels like vacation.

A really, really good vacation.
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October 3rd

2010-10-03T19:15:00.000-05:00

It's supposed to be special. Yeah? Your birthday.

It has been, for the most part. But...

Turning 33 doesn't seem all that special. It's just another year. To be honest, I prefer even numbers so always enjoy when my age returns to a number divisible by two.

What I do know is this, early to mid October tends to be a time of year when I'm bummed. I have felt that, even today. With all of the changes recently, I feel it more acutely. Displaced. Out of sorts.

Bummed.

So my plan is this.

During the month of October, I am going to make PLANS to make it a more fabulous month. I will not get bogged down by the fact that I live in a new place and that things are so up in the air (a house that won't sell in Omaha, a new job here, deciding if/when to return to teaching, and so on).

I will choose gratitude, joy, and prayer.

I will not let the sadness get me, not this year. Not happening.

Tomorrow after school, we're heading out in the country. I'm hoping to pick apples and think I've found the place to do so. Something to look forward to. Something fun.

That's what I'm going to do.
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The Park

2010-09-29T19:44:00.000-05:00

It's my favorite season and every year I feel so blessed when it comes back around. We're lucky that there's a beautiful park where we live and it's going to be the perfect spot to celebrate the changing seasons.

We walked around today in the warm sun, enjoying the beauty and colors.

I stay focused on gratitude, thankful for all that I have.

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Preschool!

2010-09-22T08:56:00.004-05:00

The kids have had so many FIRSTS this year, it's so great how resilient they are. How willing to try new things. Our little Buddy had been at his same childcare center since he was four months old. It was also our church, so it was a second home to us all. When he started preschool last year, it wasn't a huge deal - just a move down the hall.

This year though, what a difference! A whole new experience in a whole new place. Buddy started preschool the Tuesday after Labor Day. We are so lucky that Jay's first cousin had invited us to enroll at the preschool at her church, where she's the teacher this year. It is working out so perfectly, I'm so pleased with what a smooth transition it's been! He's also quite pleased at the fact that he gets picked up "before lunch" and it's just three days a week. Something he likes to point out to his sister at every opportunity!

Posing with big sister, so excited to go to school now too!

I love this one, all sweet with each other and ready for school.

Ready to go in...what a big day!

Would I take so many changes in stride the way that they have? Not sure. They are my inspiration to not dwell on things and just live in the moment. It has worked out great for them!

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Jolly Old England

2010-09-14T13:50:00.002-05:00

First time on an airplane, first time in another country, first time to see the Atlantic Ocean

When I was eighteen, just weeks after graduating high school, I had the joy of traveling to Great Britain with classmates, our English teacher and a few chaperones. It was certainly the farthest I'd been from home and still is.

I loved every minute of that trip. While friends took naps on the bus, I sat with my face practically pressed to the window. I didn't want to miss one hillside, one fence, one barn. Thinking about it now, I get giddy just imagining 18-year old me drinking tea at breakfast with my best friend. Peeking out the hotel window at the lights of London. Ordering a drink! in the hotel bar, legally. Oxford, Stratford-upon-Avon, Canterbury, Bath, Brighton, London. It was AMAZING.

My mom's best friend travels a lot, she's seen so many places and actually took this trip with us as one of the grown ups on the tour. When I got emotional looking out from the top of Dover Castle, she said that I've surely lived in Dover in a past life. She was certain.

One pastime I've happily picked back up since staying home this fall is reading for pleasure. By pure coincidence I picked up a couple of novels by English authors at the library. As I've finished each one, I feel like every thought in my head has a British accent. This reading led to watching several of my favorite Jane Austen movies, which led to watching a British miniseries, which led to watching a movie about The Young Victoria. Netflix now recommends British Period Pieces to me in its creepy "I know what you're watching" way. I've taken most of their picks and loved them all. My brain continues thinking in a British accent and I wish I could find a way to use bollocks in daily conversation. I start calling things bit and saying 'round. I'm a wannabe. Wanna be British.

Today I began reading a biography about Queen Victoria and will then move on to a historical fiction piece about London. I can't get enough.

I hope some day that we can take a family trip to England. I'd love to take J to Stratford-upon-Avon, he loves Shakespeare. And I just know that he'd enjoy Oxford in the same way that I did. I'd love to retrace my teenage tour as an adult, to take it all in again.

Maybe if I start saving now, we can go when B

graduates from high school. I may have to start a shoebox.

For that's how it started for me then. I had a shoebox with a hole in the top. When I got to England I used that money to buy an Oxford sweatshirt, some purple pleather shoes, and a Gap tshirt (what the?!). It was the trip of a lifetime and I hope to share it someday with my family.

Until then, I guess I'll have to settle for movies and books...

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Grow where you are planted

2010-09-01T15:35:00.001-05:00

Every afternoon we head back to the elementary school around 3. We park a little ways up the hill and walk over to get B. He waits with me or runs off to the playground. Good exercise, fresh air, a nice break in the afternoon.

Today he was fascinated by the grass, sprouting up tall and blooming. He picked me a bouquet. I was so happy to tell him what I knew about seeds and wind. It hit me right then how happy I am for this time. He's just four and so open to the world and learning. I'm so happy for the extra time I've got with him...and his sister...time that wasn't there before. That somehow maybe it will be what lingers in their memories. Picking grass on the walk up to see sis. Walking out from second grade and there's mom. Maybe she's looking a little worse for the wear, maybe she gets grumpy sometimes. But she's mom and she's there. Every day.

And so it is that I try to see past recent frustrations, trials, and even the kids' sadness over friends they are missing.

I tell them that home is wherever we are together, as a family. That Omaha would not be home without daddy. So here we are, making a home together.

And I do my best to let my kids bloom here, not unlike the grass in my kitchen window.

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Back to School

2010-08-18T10:26:00.001-05:00

Our B started second grade at her new school on Monday. What a big day!

When I picked her up, she said it was a great day. She definitely liked her teacher, school, and made a few new friends. I could tell she was really tired, but how fun it was to pick her up right after school and get the full recap.

The Buddy and I stayed home on Monday and made up for the weeks I'd spent packing and now unpacking. We did crafts, play dough, painting, outdoor play, a shopping trip and even went to get ice cream after picking up B. It was a full day and he passed out at 7:30. The true sign of a day well spent!

I may have given him the wrong impression...I hope he doesn't think we're doing this much every day!!

Buddy added the shades to my sun, a definite improvement!

We got these awesome play dough stampers at Target, I had fun playing with them!

I can say with certainty that our year is off to a great start. With all of the changes we've gone through lately, I think we're in pretty good shape.

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The First Days

2010-08-11T09:08:00.000-05:00

J and I moved into our new home on Saturday, July 31st. We felt really fortunate to have professional movers (a first for us!) and it made such a huge difference in how moving day goes. We worked really hard that night to get ready for the kids' arrival on Sunday.

They reacted just how you would hope, lots of jumping around and shouting. The happy kind.

Happy times, finding all of their toys and quickly beginning the mess making!

They've settled in nicely, more smoothly than I.

Don't get me wrong, I really like it here. I'm just...homesick. Which is strange.

The new routines are settling in and I'm slowly getting organized. Box by box. Our new home is lovely. We will be very happy here, of this I am sure. And together.

There's one thing that I'm sure of in this whole business of moving and trying (TRYING) to sell our home in Omaha, and making the decision to live in our new town together, even if we've had to do things unconventionally, it's that we need to be together as a family. Period.

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My Life at This Moment

2010-07-27T15:24:00.000-05:00

So it's moving week. It's paper plates and bored kids and unexpected projects (like painting the kitchen...).

I'm doing my best to be positive, take breaks (like this one), and stay properly caffeinated. Er...I mean hydrated.

I hope my husband knows that my next move will be when I am an old, old woman. So he'd better be ready to stay put! Hi Dear.

This may be it till I'm a resident of a new town.

What will I call this blog? I can't imagine any other name. It's going to take some thinking, which is not something I'm capable of today. No thinking, just doing.

Well, my cup of iced tea is gone. Back to work.

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LUCKY SEVEN

2010-07-22T07:26:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, my B turned seven. I got an email newsletter that said this is a time in a child's life that parents usually really enjoy. The child is more independent, but still enthusiastic and wanting your nurturing attention. I agree completely. For the most part, our B is a happy, helpful, sweet little girl.

For her birthday we did our usual morning donuts with a candle and presents from the family. Since B's birthday is always during summer break, we can take the whole day and spend it together. Then last night we had a party with friends and one of those bounce house places. She even let her brother invite two friends and they were able to see their good friends one more time before we move next week.

I was telling B how when she turned two, we were staying with her grandparents. We had just moved to Omaha and had a couple of weeks between closing dates. Here we are, five years later, and we're on the move again.

At seven...

B loves Barbies, American Girl dolls, Disney channel, time with friends, swimming, and music. We've listened to a lot of Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez this summer. She is less enthusiastic about subtraction, riding her bike without training wheels (still practicing that one), and being outside when it's hot.

She's one of a kind and I tell her all the time, I'm so lucky to know her.

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Who Says You Can't Bake in the Summer

2010-07-11T12:42:00.000-05:00

I've got these brownies in the oven right this minute. And yummmmmmm do they smell good!!

They were a little more work than my usual brownie-from-a-box specialty, but totally worth it. The batter was beautiful and the taste test was delicious!

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2010-07-07T18:06:00.001-05:00

The Hubs' dad is one of eleven siblings. That's right, ELEVEN! They are still around and meet every five years for what they call a luau. It's on the land, at the house where they grew up. Hubs' uncle owns the place and they really do it right. There's a tent city, bounce house, tons of food, cousins, and cousins, and cousins. It's so cool.

We attended the luau this year and it was actually my third. I went to my first one when J and I had been dating for just five months. I camped out. I met family. I played 3-on-3 basketball with J and won the tournament with him (which is, I believe, when they all decided I could join the family). The memories are so rich, the family very strong.

I'm a lucky woman, to be part of two families, four really, that are all so wonderful, unique, and loving. What are the odds?!

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About Face - Forward March!

2010-07-03T20:57:00.000-05:00

On June 28th I had grand plans to do all sorts of fun things with what we've got left of summer!

What has happened since then is that we have agreed to rent the home that we will buy when our home here sells and are looking at a move date of AUGUST FIRST! Wow.

So now it's a total change in thinking. What we can do for free (because hey, moving costs a LOT, did you know that?!) and how much can I get packed? So July is looking much different and we're going to have to do the fun day trips on our visits back because there's no way that it's going to happen this month.

The good? We are so excited about our new home. It has a ton of great features that will be perfect for our family. We love our new soon-to-be-hometown and are happy to think about all of the great things that come with this move.

The not-so-good? Still waiting for our home here to sell. Still hoping it will sell before school starts. Waiting and hoping, hoping and waiting.

More soon...I will not have internet in August for a while, so I've got to enjoy it while it lasts!

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What Happened to June?

2010-06-28T08:56:00.000-05:00

Summer for us?

* Two trips to my parents' and a hotel stay in our soon-to-be-hometown
* concert/night out with my J
* trips to the school library
* picnics and playground time
* keeping the house TIDY for showings and open houses
* trying to sell our home, planning to move

It's a strange summer, but all good. My kids are energetic, happy, and healthy. I need nothing more!

Still on my list: Durham Western Heritage Museum, Bob the Bridge, SAC Museum, more trips to the pool, water park in Grand Island, Coco Key, a day trip to Lincoln and we've got to get to the zoo - we haven't been on Skyfari yet! The zoo trip will have to wait until after the College World Series.

It's a great summer - and we've still got eight weeks till school starts!

Summer Break: Day 1

2010-06-08T14:06:00.000-05:00

We are two days in and it's my favorite summer break yet. I've probably felt that way every year.

What makes this year particularly special is the career to do list that has gone silent. At this point each year I am usually already on to the next. Planning, plotting, scheduling, stewing. Now? Nothing.

Yesterday we walked to the playground nearest our house, still over a half mile walk, and my head was full of super-deep thoughts. About how big my kids have gotten. About how much I love the trees at that park. About how different being a mom is now than it was four years ago.

It's a great time to sit back and savor this life. The blessings are everywhere, I don't even have to turn my head. My heart is full and I feel at peace. Thankful for this moment in time. It's one that I know I'm going to look back on with a smile.

Don't run too fast, mama wants to stay close...

A Little Lighter

2010-06-03T20:38:00.001-05:00

My little joke today was that the checklist was like a scavenger hunt. Only really I was just turning in all of my teacher stuff. Faculty handbook, emergency procedures guide, etc. The bottom of the page was only for those teachers who have retired or resigned.

I guess I resigned...so I had to do that stuff too. Laptop. ID badge. Parking tag. Keys.

All handed in.

Now what?

It is strange. I have no idea at this point what is next. I only know we'll move to our new town once our house here sells and that I'm going to be on hand to be the best wife and mom that I've ever been.

The thought of that is so exciting and surprisingly scary and pretty much exactly what I had been hoping for this winter when Hubs started talking about a new job.

Hey - no use asking why when your prayers get answered, right?!

So I guess now it's time to put myself in action.

Mom. Wife. And still a teacher. Just not quite the same as before.

Free.

I like it.

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I Wasted $35 on Flowers and Then I Cried

2010-05-20T18:17:00.001-05:00

At least I can show you my lovely flowers.

We were scheduled to have a professional photographer come to the house today to get pictures to put on our realtors' website. I went home at lunch and got everything ready. I turned on lights, opened blinds, vacuumed, hid everything in cupboards, even dragged a huge ottoman to the garage.

When I got in the car to go back to school, there was a message from our realtor that the photographer had cancelled all appointments for today because of rain. So I went around and turned off all of the lights and pouted. If only I had brought my phone in the house, I could have spared myself all of that work!

Selling a house is HARD. Especially when you are doing all of this really fantastic work and there are no actual home buyers to see it. None.

Sigh.

I am staying as optimistic as possible. I believe that God has a plan and that it includes some tests, some lessons, some bumps, in order to get to a finish line that includes us moving into a home in our new town that is just right for us. How could we appreciate any of it at all if it were all smooth sailing and super easy?!

The Hubs and I have been talking about moving back to this town, the one we are moving to, since we left it. It's the town where we met. The town where we both attended the small university, where we earned our Bacholor's degrees. It's the town where our kids will attend school. Where I hope we will grow old together.

I'm excited. Sad. Happy. Nervous. Stressed. Everything all at once. Leaving a job that I love. Taking on a job that I've always wanted (full time mom for a year). Trying to stay sane. And tidy.

For a tidy house will sell. At least that's what I keep telling myself!

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Attack of the School-Ager

2010-05-18T17:44:00.002-05:00

Since I picked her up, 40 minutes ago, my B has used the following phrases with the perfect amount of sarcasm.

"C'mon!" (Not as in hurry up, but as in c'mon, are you kidding me?!?!)

"Seriously?!"

"I know, right?" (Said to her four-year old brother, so he's sure to pick up these neat little gems as well.)

Help me now.

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Speaking of Wiggly Teeth

2010-05-13T19:09:00.001-05:00

My B is nearing the end of 1st grade and STILL has all of her baby teeth. This has bothered her the entire school year, I think she's just given up on it by now.

She's got two loose teeth, her bottom front two. We were talking about them at dinner, she gently wiggled them while we spoke.

Me: "Do you think the tooth fairy will even find us when you finally lose one?!"

B nods her head.

Me: "How do you think the tooth fairy even finds our house?"

B: (fluttering her pretend fairy wings) "She just FLUTTERS around....with her tiny GPS."

Kids these days and their newfangled ideas.

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This Mother's Day

2010-05-09T08:11:00.000-05:00

I'm so thankful for my own mother. My mother-in-law. And my two grandmothers. I'm a lucky woman to have so many strong, wonderful moms to look up to.

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This Mother's Day, I will remember as the one where our house was full of boxes and we were preparing to sell our house.

I've resigned from the job I love and am preparing to move my family half way across our state. Back to the town where I met my husband. The first town I lived in away from home.

This mama won't be an Omaha one for much longer.

I'm going to live in a much smaller town and my husband is going to be the principal of its one public high school.

There will be a lot of decisions to make. A LOT.

But for today, I'm going to sip my coffee, head to church, and then spend the rest of the day in a cleaning frenzy. I am decidedly grateful for all of the opportunities that lay ahead of us and am trying really hard not to get stuck in the stress of the rest!

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Four for Now

2010-04-11T16:18:00.001-05:00

Four!

It was one of those perfect days. We had family over to celebrate M's 4th birthday. The first cook-out of the season. Hamburgers, hot dogs, salads, veggies, fruits...all of the perfect food that we love this time of year.

If the day had a theme, it would be LEGO'S. He's four now and LOVES LEGO'S! He's also got a set of golf clubs (he's actually hitting balls at me as I type) that he's very excited about and some moon sand that he's itching to open.

The kids played outside and no one had to yell to shut the door because of hot or cold, in fact, no one really even noticed one way or the other. There were as many kids at the party as grown ups...we may have even been out-numbered by one or two.

I can't remember more perfect weather, the sun was shining and the wind being mercifully still for once.

Right now, he's begging me to come and help him make ONE MORE Lego house. Just one more. Yeah right.

Last night I tried to convince him that maybe he could turn two today. And one next year. And we'd keep going up to four and back again forever. Because four is so big. And the beginning of everything.

I'm just so grateful that we've had these four beautiful years with this wonderful boy. My M.
Can't wait for whatever's next!

Spring Break

2010-04-08T07:47:00.000-05:00

I listen to them playing, this being their first day of spring break. The first three, for me, were a day of staff development, a day of spring cleaning, and a day of running errands with J.

B is getting so big, so smart. On Monday, she didn't question the fact that she'd had to go to church (our daycare) because I'd been in eight hours of training that day. Tuesday and Wednesday though, she asked me, "Why'd we have to go to school?!" She knew I'd taken some time to get things done without their HELP.

Things have changed so much since they were babies. I'd take every minute of a break to be at home with them, to make sure I didn't miss a single laugh, a single meal, a single milestone. It's different now. They have fun with their friends. They take day trips with their class. They enjoy their time away from home.

Don't get me wrong, we are all still very happy to be home together today, but I can see how we are also becoming separate entities. They have their own interests, their own friends.

It's hard not to fast forward ten years and imagine the time then. When they get up at noon and are out the door to their own activities during breaks.

For now, I'll just enjoy listening to the sound of them playing. To the sound of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the t.v. To the sight of them making a city of Lego's and littlest pet shop animals.

I know it can't last forever, probably not much past this year. I'm just so glad to be here now.
So glad.
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Almost Four

2010-03-22T20:38:00.000-05:00

Just about birthday time.

He still calls them kajamas when it's time to get dressed for bed. I want to remember that FOREVER.

Ka-jamas.

He can say pajamas. But really, it's not nearly as fun.

A Pan

2010-03-03T18:44:00.001-06:00

There are few objects that I am emotionally attached to. That being said, there are a few things in my home that I am REALLY attached to! I just broke this pan. This perfect, 8 X 8, glass baking pan. My mom gave it to me at some point in my early apartment days and I've used almost daily since. Isn't it pretty? Mom could probably even tell me when SHE got it.

Today while I was doing dishes, the skillet it was sitting in slid down in the sink a little, only a few inches, and it split right down the middle. It was obviously this pan's time to go, it barely tapped the inside of the skillet and was in two pieces.

I panicked. Really. I know it's just a pan. But it's a beloved pan.

To calm myself, I went online. Almost instantly. To try and order a replacement. I decided to order a pan in the brand I've been wanting to try for a while now. Le Creuset. I ordered a 9" one and am hoping the extra 17 square inches won't be a problem. What sold me was the extra 5" pan that comes with it. Bonus! And the lime green color, I've been on a green kick lately.

It will never truly replace my wonderful 8 X 8, but hopefully my life will go on.

Nearing the end of year four

2010-02-24T19:57:00.002-06:00

His drawings change frequently now. Someone else may not notice. But his mama does. There are bodies now, not just legs sprouting from heads. There is movement, color, expression.

He grows and grows. He likes to tell people that Pluto is a dwarf planet and that they can send a robot to Mars. He pretends his legos are penguins and shoes and spaceships.

Soon he'll be four. And I'll still be his mama. Even if being his mama looks nothing like it did three short years ago.

Slow down, Buddy. Mama can't keep up.

He saw his picture online just now and was pleased when I told him I wrote a story about the pictures he draws. So he drew a picture of the planets and asked me to add it here. Big smiles when I told him Grandma Marilyn reads my stories. He's drawn two more as I type, I could just keep posting and posting.

Sunset at 6:00 PM Central Standard Time

2010-02-16T18:22:00.000-06:00

I've been feeling a little bummed because it's February, which I don't really enjoy. It's dark and cold and there has been snow on the ground since December 8th.
Until tonight. I took B to her dance class at 6 o'clock, just like every Tuesday, but this week...it wasn't pitch dark outside! Hooray! A subtle change. The sun is almost set now, at 6:14. I'll take it. The sun is easing its way around. We'll be tilted nearer soon and the sun will set later and later. The time of year when I feel lighter. Warmer.

For the past few years I've given up blogging in March. Not planning on it this year.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and I am giving up something. In past years it's been alcohol, blogging, etc. This year...candy. Yup. Candy. The good stuff. Including Chocolate. Why?!?! Why, you ask. It makes me feel good to give up something. It's like a constant reminder, every time I think to skip what I've given up. I'm also adding something, along with giving up something. So am going to walk on my treadmill four days a week, a habit to begin. A friendly little reminder of my beliefs, my faith, and what an important time of year it is.

That's it. In a nut shell. Not feeling so sad. Sun's not setting so soon. Not giving up blogging for March.
Totally binging on sweets tonight. Just chased a chocolate chip cookie binge with a Twix bar. Yummmmm.

Contentment (n): Synonyms: serenity, gladness, satisfaction, ease

2010-02-12T10:16:00.000-06:00

The cyclical nature of the years passing is amazing to me. I do not exaggerate.

In October, I realized it was a down time for me and had been for several years. Maybe more.

Last night, I read old posts about friends and loss and sadness and realized this time of year is also very reflective for me.

I'm so grateful that I have my writing to look back on. To realize there are certain points when I feel a little low. When things get a little rough. I can count on the fact that I'll feel better soon. There's so much comfort in that.

The low isn't as low this year. The sting is not so acute. The pain is more of a memory than a current feeling.

I know that at some point there will be new sadness. New grief.
I guess there's also comfort knowing that I can take whatever life throws at me.

The peace I feel, I suppose is part of becoming a grown up.
Confidence in my ability to handle life's curve balls.

Today I want nothing more than exactly what I've got. Where I am.
What a gift. Contentment.

Yes Yes and Yes!

2010-02-05T22:45:00.002-06:00

I'm such a fence sitter.
I'm a Libra.
Very much a frequent avoider of confrontation.
Wishy washy.
Unopinionated.

There are a few things, however, that can get this girl fired up.

Here is one! Click here to read a letter that makes me want to grab a sign and march.

I live this EVERY day. I have loved MANY great folks in my life, some with disabilities. Okay, lots.

It's not too much to ask to just stop using the word.

Just don't use the word. And tell other people to stop it too.

(I think I'm gonna buy this magnet)

Retard is an unacceptable adjective to describe something.

Regardless of how much of a point you want to put on it.

Just don't use the word.

Wake Me Up When Spring Comes

2010-01-27T19:34:00.001-06:00

It's that point in the year when I feel like the word hibernation describes my life in so many ways. Although we are busy and out and about...I mostly just want to be home where it is warm and there are jammies.

At school, registration is revving up.
This is mind blowingly stressful and hard and...is the opposite of hibernation.

But I WANT to hibernate. So I get a little quiet...on the inside.

What I have been doing a lot of since Christmas is cooking. We've eaten out a lot less and I've been trying to cook as much as I can at home. It's mostly healthier (I am not yet cooking completely healthfully, but at least it's better than fast food?!) and a whole lot easier on the bank account.

I've been making lots of cookies and bars, which helps me feel like a nice mom sometimes. Tonight there are oatmeal raisin cookies in the oven and it smells fantastic! Guess what we're having for breakfast tomorrow?! (Update: My kids don't like the cookies. Bummer. I don't think they are sweet enough for them. So guess what I'M having for breakfast tomorrow?)
I'm addicted to this soup, so we've had it three times in the past six weeks. YUM.

The other night when I wanted to make a spicy meal that Hubs and I used to enjoy almost once a week (have you had Zataran's? Their Jambalaya is so GOOD.), so I made a bizarre little alternative meal for my kids and they loved it. Squid dogs. The name really yucks me out, but the kids thought it was so cool and ate 'em up. I even served them with ants on a log in my bid for COOLEST MOM EVER.

I received Pioneer Woman's cookbook for Christmas from my parents and have enjoyed several recipes from there. This one from her site is something I've made twice in the past month and it is really good. The kids prefer plain noodles, which is fine by me because the left overs make a great lunch.

I guess when the weather outside is constantly unpredictable and harsh and the work world can be a bit the same...I enjoy the control I can have in the kitchen and the smiles it can create at the table.

A New Year

2010-01-07T18:22:00.001-06:00

We were supposed to go back to school on Wednesday, but it was not to be. Looks like second semester will start on Monday. School's been cancelled for three straight days due to cold and snow. So it's our second three-day snow break this year. Craziness!

For the new year we spent our time at home this year. We had gone to a morning matinee of Sesame Street Live and had lunch out. Then we just hung out at home after B and I got our hair cut.

One of our traditions now is to get new year's poppers, we got them last year and now our B insists that we must have them for new year's. Ours this year didn't quite pop, I'll have to look for higher quality ones next year.

At supper, we enjoyed some sparkling grape juice and took turns making toasts. Good times with small children, you should try it some time.

The poppers contained one of those whistle thingies! And a tiny parachute man! Treasures galore!

General silliness has been the rule. We've spent a LOT of time at home, a LOT of time together.

We got Christmas decorations put away on New Year's Day.

And then went about getting ready for school to start.

But it didn't.

So we're just home. Staying warm and being grateful for our trusty old furnace. Thank you Furnace!

See our patio chair? It's in there.

Might not want to sit there right this moment, it may be a bit chilly!

Goodbye '09

2009-12-31T17:06:00.001-06:00

Looking back at a decade, it's been quite a ride.

I remember distinctly the night before this decade began.

I was 22 years old. Thin. Single. And out to party. PARTY! I also had a horrible cold and didn't consider how my tylenol cold tablet would mesh with champagne. I should have. It was a fun night overall, but let's just say I'm glad someone else drove us home.

Then that February, I met J. Graduated in May. Married J the next June. Of 2001.
2002 - Settled into and fixed up our first house. Got a dog.
2003 - Had a baby. Named her B.
2004 - Started grad school. Decided to become a teacher.
2005 - Got a job in Omaha on a provisional teaching certificate. Moved to O-Town. Found out I was pregnant with #2, not planned but totally wonderful news.
2006 - Had the little man in April. Started my second teaching job at a different school. Graduated with my Masters in Special Education.
2007 - A horrible, horrible year that I may never speak of again.
2008 - My B started kindergarten! We all had a much better year.
2009 - Finally feel like a grown up. Or more like a grown up.

Still haven't figured out how to lose these last 25 lbs.
Still haven't figured out how to be everything to everyone.
Despite my best efforts.

What I have learned?
*How to pray.
*How to love.
*How to breathe, really breathe.
*How to stay calm, even when I don't feel calm.

Two thousand ten holds much promise, of that I am sure.

Happy New Year!

*This is my favorite time of year to read blogs. Can't wait to read everyone's reflections and resolutions. I may post mine tomorrow.*

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Merry Merry

2009-12-27T09:32:00.000-06:00

Our second big snowstorm of the year came just in time for Christmas Day. We were fortunate to be done with extended family celebrations by lunch time on Christmas Eve, so didn't have to stress over ruined plans. We've been snowed in for three days and that's just fine.

B enjoyed her new wizard book and decoder glasses. Note the ginormous drift in the window behind her.

Finally yesterday we were able to go outside and play. As long as he crawled on them, the drifts didn't swallow up our little guy. It felt great to get out!

Pretending to shovel! The piles are taller than her.

Come evening, it was a pile of homemade noodles to make some chicken soup.

Top it off with a glass of wine for me and it was a fine day. Cabin fever or no, I'm so grateful for my family. For the time we've spent together. For an excuse to slow down a little. To relax. We are all rested up, just in time for new year. I love Christmas break.

What Else Do You Do With a Snow Day?

2009-12-17T19:57:00.001-06:00

First of all, you don't get dressed on snow days. Jammies only at our house!

We finally got out some window paints that B got for her birthday in July! Thanks Aunt Jami.

I painted the circles while the kids had a rest in the afternoon. I had them come down when the paints were dry and decorate them.

Later the kids got to go outside for about 10 minutes and were excited to stand behind their snowmen.
It was a fun little project for our third day spent snowed in!

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Amused

2009-12-10T16:00:00.000-06:00

He has said "Peace out suckers!" at least a thousand times. Only you don't say the /r/ sound and you must hold up two fingers. It is funny every time. And highly inappropriate.

Then he says, "Is 'what the heck' a bad word?". I say yes, because I guess it mostly is. And he says, "Eli said 'what the heck' a hundred times at school". Which is also funny, especially since we haven't been to school since Monday. What made him think of such a random thing now?

He wants to HOLD the gum. Being in charge of the gum makes him very, very happy. I find myself giving into him at least once an hour because I don't like doing things that make him sad. He is my baby after all, and won't be this little for much longer. I'm sure to have a very entitled-minded little man on my hands if I don't get that under control! But he's my BABY!

She does the best walk like an egyptian dance, only she doesn't know that's what she's doing. She's currently singing Frosty the Underwear. And he's laughing so hard he's falling over.

So I'm just amused.
I cannot imagine my life or this house or anything else without them.

Now they need some help with their snow pants. So I'm off.

2009-12-08T12:16:00.002-06:00

What do you do with a snow day?

We (and by we, I mean they...I took pictures from inside!) were bundled up for our five minutes in the snow before 8 a.m.

Then it was time for geotrax in the hall. Why play with it in the bedroom when you can take over the entire upstairs hallway? I believe his goal was to make the BIGGEST TRAIN TRACK EVER! And the LONGEST TRAIN EVER! B and I helped him and it is pretty darn big. If we had more track we could keep going and going.

Then it's on to the nativity set. Sets. Of course we've added a few animals. Marty the zebra. And a Transformer. I think that's also a Littlest Pet Shop kitten there in the back. It's all good, our nativity sets are very inclusive.

What I'm most grateful for is a day at home. A little extra time to clean up from recent busyness. Time to spend with the kids. Time to listen to Christmas music and do laundry and maybe later, watch a Christmas movie. Looks like we'll probably spend tomorrow at home too because of all of the snow and cold, so I'm also very grateful for our warm home.

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