Four for Now

Four!

It was one of those perfect days. We had family over to celebrate M's 4th birthday. The first cook-out of the season. Hamburgers, hot dogs, salads, veggies, fruits...all of the perfect food that we love this time of year.

If the day had a theme, it would be LEGO'S. He's four now and LOVES LEGO'S! He's also got a set of golf clubs (he's actually hitting balls at me as I type) that he's very excited about and some moon sand that he's itching to open.

The kids played outside and no one had to yell to shut the door because of hot or cold, in fact, no one really even noticed one way or the other. There were as many kids at the party as grown ups...we may have even been out-numbered by one or two.

I can't remember more perfect weather, the sun was shining and the wind being mercifully still for once.

Right now, he's begging me to come and help him make ONE MORE Lego house. Just one more. Yeah right.

Last night I tried to convince him that maybe he could turn two today. And one next year. And we'd keep going up to four and back again forever. Because four is so big. And the beginning of everything.

I'm just so grateful that we've had these four beautiful years with this wonderful boy. My M.
Can't wait for whatever's next!

Spring Break

I listen to them playing, this being their first day of spring break. The first three, for me, were a day of staff development, a day of spring cleaning, and a day of running errands with J.

B is getting so big, so smart. On Monday, she didn't question the fact that she'd had to go to church (our daycare) because I'd been in eight hours of training that day. Tuesday and Wednesday though, she asked me, "Why'd we have to go to school?!" She knew I'd taken some time to get things done without their HELP.

Things have changed so much since they were babies. I'd take every minute of a break to be at home with them, to make sure I didn't miss a single laugh, a single meal, a single milestone. It's different now. They have fun with their friends. They take day trips with their class. They enjoy their time away from home.

Don't get me wrong, we are all still very happy to be home together today, but I can see how we are also becoming separate entities. They have their own interests, their own friends.

It's hard not to fast forward ten years and imagine the time then. When they get up at noon and are out the door to their own activities during breaks.

For now, I'll just enjoy listening to the sound of them playing. To the sound of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the t.v. To the sight of them making a city of Lego's and littlest pet shop animals.

I know it can't last forever, probably not much past this year. I'm just so glad to be here now.
So glad.
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Almost Four

Just about birthday time.

He still calls them kajamas when it's time to get dressed for bed. I want to remember that FOREVER.

Ka-jamas.

He can say pajamas. But really, it's not nearly as fun.

A Pan

There are few objects that I am emotionally attached to. That being said, there are a few things in my home that I am REALLY attached to! I just broke this pan. This perfect, 8 X 8, glass baking pan. My mom gave it to me at some point in my early apartment days and I've used almost daily since. Isn't it pretty? Mom could probably even tell me when SHE got it.

Today while I was doing dishes, the skillet it was sitting in slid down in the sink a little, only a few inches, and it split right down the middle. It was obviously this pan's time to go, it barely tapped the inside of the skillet and was in two pieces.

I panicked. Really. I know it's just a pan. But it's a beloved pan.

To calm myself, I went online. Almost instantly. To try and order a replacement. I decided to order a pan in the brand I've been wanting to try for a while now. Le Creuset. I ordered a 9" one and am hoping the extra 17 square inches won't be a problem. What sold me was the extra 5" pan that comes with it. Bonus! And the lime green color, I've been on a green kick lately.

It will never truly replace my wonderful 8 X 8, but hopefully my life will go on.

Nearing the end of year four

His drawings change frequently now. Someone else may not notice. But his mama does. There are bodies now, not just legs sprouting from heads. There is movement, color, expression.

He grows and grows. He likes to tell people that Pluto is a dwarf planet and that they can send a robot to Mars. He pretends his legos are penguins and shoes and spaceships.

Soon he'll be four. And I'll still be his mama. Even if being his mama looks nothing like it did three short years ago.

Slow down, Buddy. Mama can't keep up.

He saw his picture online just now and was pleased when I told him I wrote a story about the pictures he draws. So he drew a picture of the planets and asked me to add it here. Big smiles when I told him Grandma Marilyn reads my stories. He's drawn two more as I type, I could just keep posting and posting.

Sunset at 6:00 PM Central Standard Time

I've been feeling a little bummed because it's February, which I don't really enjoy. It's dark and cold and there has been snow on the ground since December 8th.
Until tonight. I took B to her dance class at 6 o'clock, just like every Tuesday, but this week...it wasn't pitch dark outside! Hooray! A subtle change. The sun is almost set now, at 6:14. I'll take it. The sun is easing its way around. We'll be tilted nearer soon and the sun will set later and later. The time of year when I feel lighter. Warmer.

For the past few years I've given up blogging in March. Not planning on it this year.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and I am giving up something. In past years it's been alcohol, blogging, etc. This year...candy. Yup. Candy. The good stuff. Including Chocolate. Why?!?! Why, you ask. It makes me feel good to give up something. It's like a constant reminder, every time I think to skip what I've given up. I'm also adding something, along with giving up something. So am going to walk on my treadmill four days a week, a habit to begin. A friendly little reminder of my beliefs, my faith, and what an important time of year it is.

That's it. In a nut shell. Not feeling so sad. Sun's not setting so soon. Not giving up blogging for March.
Totally binging on sweets tonight. Just chased a chocolate chip cookie binge with a Twix bar. Yummmmm.

Contentment (n): Synonyms: serenity, gladness, satisfaction, ease

The cyclical nature of the years passing is amazing to me. I do not exaggerate.

In October, I realized it was a down time for me and had been for several years. Maybe more.

Last night, I read old posts about friends and loss and sadness and realized this time of year is also very reflective for me.

I'm so grateful that I have my writing to look back on. To realize there are certain points when I feel a little low. When things get a little rough. I can count on the fact that I'll feel better soon. There's so much comfort in that.

The low isn't as low this year. The sting is not so acute. The pain is more of a memory than a current feeling.

I know that at some point there will be new sadness. New grief.
I guess there's also comfort knowing that I can take whatever life throws at me.

The peace I feel, I suppose is part of becoming a grown up.
Confidence in my ability to handle life's curve balls.

Today I want nothing more than exactly what I've got. Where I am.
What a gift. Contentment.