I wonder how many years it will take.
How many years until this time of year doesn't leaving me feeling sad.
The time of year that my friend found out her cancer had returned three years ago. The time of year that my nephew began his fight with leukemia two years ago. The time of year that the wheels fell off, almost literally when I crashed my van into a cement wall leaving the children's hospital. The time of year when I mourned the deaths of two really good friends, both having lost their fights with cancer. The time of year when chaos reigned and I had no choice but to simply keep putting one foot in front of the other. The time of year that I lost a student to a car accident.
The time of year when the weather turns and we are waiting again for spring.
There is so much good now. My nephew, he beat leukemia and is healthy! My kids are great.
We are doing well.
Yet this darkness swells in me. The tears flow.
I can't shake the sadness.
How long until I realize that I am okay. We are okay.
This time of year shouldn't leave me feeling so broken.
Yet it does.
It's times like these I am so grateful for my faith in God.
He is all that holds me up.
I will feel better tomorrow and am thankful for that too.
But tonight. Well tonight it's all a little too real.
Thank goodness tomorrow is another day.
It's so STRANGE. I just checked out October of last year, to see if I was feeling this way. And sheesh, I wrote this post on October 11th last year. I have goose bumps. It must be cyclical. Oddly enough, finding that post made me smile. Knowing I was in this boat last year and made it through just fine. Who knew my own blog could be my therapy. Oh wait, I did.