Thursday, February 7, 2008

Missing My Friend

I've been missing my friend, Jacque, immensely this past two weeks.
Tears spring to my eyes at the thought.

This tremendous redhead. This woman who radiated with energy and light.
She lost her fight with breast cancer on Thanksgiving and I think about her every day.
She wrote this about me last year and I think it might be the nicest thing anyone ever said about me.

Right now, it is so intense because I'm trying to register kids at school for next year's classes. This was the point last year when she got so sick. When she had to quit working. When the wheels came off for me at school. I had piles of paper and messes and stress. I remember how selfish I felt, just wanting her at work so that I wouldn't have to figure everything out by myself.

I was so upset that she was sick. I missed our daily talks. Our daily time. Time grew short quickly.

I just had no idea how very fast it would be. If I thought about it enough, regret would fill my heart for all of the missed opportunities to see her in her final time here. How does someone got shoe shopping one week and go into liver failure the next. It's unfathomable.

She was my mentor and I needed her so much. I need her still. As I start going through the piles of paper again. As I remember last year so vividly.

She was amazing.
She is still helping me.
I know that she is.

Jacque, you were this light to me. I need it now.
I am grateful to have been your friend.
My heart aches and my eyes sting when I realize that you are really gone.
My breath draws short and the sadness can fill me.

I will not let myself dwell. That would piss her off too.
Just tonight. I'm saying one prayer and lighting a candle for her.

I miss my friend.

10 comments:

Beck said...

I know what you mean about how terrifyingly fast it can happen, really.
I'm sorry for your loss. KNowing her sounds like it was a real gift and I hope that someday you can remember her with more joy then sorrow.

Twinny said...

I am honored that I can say I met her and knew her for such a short time. Stay strong OM, she would love to know that you remember her so fondly, but she wouldn't want you to remember her in sadness.

Midwest Beach Girl said...

A light. That really does describe her, doesn't it?

I thank god that she was in my life and thank you for introducing me to her. You are my light-bringer. Hold fast to your memories and remember the happy times. (Remember how many laughs we had at Grandpa's funeral?)

Oh, The Joys said...

Your love for her keeps her near - she is all around you - everywhere.

Thinking of you.

xo,
J

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry you're missing your dear friend; I wish I could give you a hug.

Jenifer said...

I agree with everyone she is watching and one day this will hurt less. What is important is remembering her the way that makes you feel good.

Aliki2006 said...

I am so so sorry for your loss, and for the emptiness you feel without her...

Mama said...

Hey, OM, I just visited Jacque's blog last week. I kept wanting to but wouldn't let myself and then I just did it........and I'm better now. What you are going through is just part of that process of life. A person gets all knotted up and then you straighten things up and you can be better for a while until the knots come again. One day you'll be good at getting the knots out and you'll even be able to retie into a BOW! By the way if you pissed Jacque off I'll bet she P-s-s-s-ted you back. Did you hear her? (I could tell by your blog you did.) That's why you feel the way you do. "P-s-s-t"!

kristi said...

I am so sorry you are missing your friend. Why do bad things happen to good people. It isn't really fair, is it?

Jaelithe said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. She sounds like she was a beautiful person who touched many lives.