Tuesday, November 27, 2007

My Teacher

I have this post looming. Although I'm positive that I'm not ready to write about it yet, it's looming and I just need to get it out. Get it off my chest, even though one little blog post won't cure this pain. Nothing will.

I have this friend, a fellow blogger. A blogger because I wanted her to start one. Last December after she found out her breast cancer had metastasized in her lung and bone. In September, she found out it had moved into her liver. She wrote a daily blog about her experiences with this. The ups. The downs. The side effects. The shopping, lunches out, and vacation trips. She wrote about it all.

In true Jacque fashion, she used it as a way to teach.
Women with breast cancer found comfort in her posts.
Women of faith marvelled at her strength.
Friends and family hung on her every word.

Today was the last post.

My good friend, mentor, co-teacher, Jacque.
Jacque died on Thanksgiving. She passed away in the hospital, surrounded by her two sons and husband.

She was 54 years old.

The way I hear her laugh in my head right now, as I write.
That is why it hurts so much.
I only got the chance to work with her for four months before she had to leave work for her health. She taught me more in those four months than I learned in 3 years of grad school. Than in 29 years of life.

She was the best teacher.

I didn't want her to go.

Now she's gone. And I keep thinking of things. That I should tell her. That she gave me. That she taught me. That would make her laugh. I keep wanting to call her and tell her.

She had a great laugh.

My friend Jacque is in heaven now.
That's the only thing that gives me a moment's peace. That she's at peace.

The rest, well it sucks.
I realize now that I'm not ready to write this.

I'll just say good-bye to my friend.

Thinking of your laugh tonight has made my broken heart smile.

15 comments:

Midwest Beach Girl said...

Thank you for bringing her into my life too. She did have that light in her that made everything a little bit brighter. My heart is breaking for you and with you.

Alpha DogMa said...

This post is a wonderful testament to Jacque and her life and her strength. I hope you are doing well, I'm sorry you are hurting.

Jenifer said...

I know there is nothing I can say that will take away the hurting. Just know that you are in my thoughts.

bubandpie said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. This post was so raw - a real tribute.

Mimi said...

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Lynne said...

Melanie,
I know how much Jacquie thought of you and I know that while it was difficult for her to leave her job last spring, it was just a little easier because she left her program in such capable hands. I call it her program because when I was department at South, she came to me and convinced me that we needed a Life Skills program. I don't think that I'm wrong in saying that South wouldn't have such a model program now if it hadn't been for Jacquie. I taught for a few years in a Native American community. The Winnebago's believe that when someone passes on that they meet up with the Great Spirit and intervene for those who are left on earth. Well, I can't think of anyone better to intervene for me than Jacquie! Keep up the good work, I know that she's smiling down on all of us.
Lynne

Twinny said...

Thank you for bringing such an inspirational person into my life. Meeting Jacque was like seeing my daughters first smile. The experience was short, but the impression it left in my mind will last forever.

Beck said...

Oh, this was such a sad post. She sounds like she was a wonderful person.

nikkis30by30 said...

Words do her no justice. None. I can't thank you enough for sharing her with me. As you said, in the short amount of time that she was in my life, she changed it dramatically. I love her. I miss her. I can't imagine how your heart must ache. Mine does and I knew her only a minute.

Her laugh. It was so contagious. Her smile. The same. Her hugs.... some of the very best in the world. Her faith. The strongest I have seen in a long time.

I am here. Call me. I love you!!!!

BIG BIG BIIIIIIIIG HUGS!!!!!

Jenn said...

You, too, are teaching; the lessons of what it means to be a friend.

My heart hurts for you, and as raw as you are today, I hope that someday the remembrance of her laughter will bring laughter and peace to you.

Michelle said...

oh Melanie, I'm so sorry for the loss of your very dear friend, it's obvious by the way you write about her that she was a special lady who touched many lives. May her spirit live on in the memory of those who knew her.

Aliki2006 said...

She sounds like she was a truly beautiful person who touched many lives.

I'm sad for all of you...

kristi said...

I'm am very sorry about your loss of a good friend.

Di said...

She thought the world of you Melanie and felt so lucky to leave the program in your capable hands. Jacque was an amazing lady who I feel lucky to have known. She changed us all for the better and loved us all unconditionally.
Stay strong, because that is what our Jacque would want. hugs, di

mum2brady said...

What a wonderful tribute to an amazing woman. I think you were blessed to know her. I pray for peace and comfort for you at this difficult time, and for strength to carry on the work you both love!

Hugs!