When I was typing my title - I actually misspelled speech. Speach?!?! That's a perfect example of my brain right now. The fog is back. I think it's a combination of longer hours this week (we worked one long day for parent-teacher conferences) and a stressful week at home. There are these moments - moments when I think that being married is hard and that I should have had a class in my 181 credit hours of bachelor's and graduate work that dealt with marriage. As I type that, I remember that I did. I took a class called Marriage & Family Relations. A fat lot of good that did. I guess it's nothing you can learn from a book. It requires on the "job" training. We're learning as we go. I'm not going to go into details. I'll just leave it at being married is hard. And I'm so in the thick of it that I can't even think of a witty, optimistic follow-up to that. The light at the end of the tunnel is that my mood always lifts when the hubby and I spar and things always return to sunny when that happens. Now I'm just waiting...for the mood to lift. Come on mood, lift. Please.
I just don't even have words for how things are today. I am really glad it's Friday and that I've got a low-key weekend to recharge. I'll check back in when I've got more words. Hence the title, speechless. Comments regarding marriage, happy or otherwise, welcome and encouraged!
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This Is Me
- Melanie D.
- A 40-something teacher, mom to two teens, wife to a principal, Nebraska girl for life.
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5 comments:
Hard one to answer. There are so many things. I will bring you the book I have been meaning to give you. Maybe it will have some words of wisdom. Probably the best advice I have is hang in there. I can remember many times over 27 years I would look at my husband and think 'What was I thinking when I married him!' I am sure he has had that thought many times, too. Be prayerful and listen for how you can make it better. God wants your marriage to succed - just like you do.
If there's any woman who doesn't look at her husband once in awhile and wish for the single life again, I want to meet her - and then beat her! (oh, no ... that would be bad). I love my husband dearly, but he won't even spar with me when I want to have it out. He hates verbal assault and refuses to participate in it. When I go after him, he gets the 'deer in the headlights' look on his face and I have to back off, I feel so guilty. This was in direct contrast to the way I grew up - which was very vocal and very loud.
One day I came flying down the stairs screaming at Max. I was furious! When I got to the bottom of the steps, walked to the sofa where he was sitting, still hollering away, I watched him literally flinching. I was NOT ready to stop yelling, but I DID back up 6 feet so that it wouldn't be such a physical assault on him. Poor guy - he deserved something, but not that (hehe).
I've only been married 13 years, but I guess the one thing I have learned is that life ... and marriage is cyclical. As long as I can maintain a sense of God's purpose in our lives and again in our marriage, there is nothing that can rip it apart - even my explosive personality and his idiocies (oops, bad wife).
And Jacque's right. God will plant Himself into the middle of a marriage ... when He's asked.
Ecclesiastes 4:12b. "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken"
Blessings!
Here is the key to a good marriage (in my somewhat sometimes humble opinion): being able to retain your own pride without being too proud. Does that make sense? I think of it as having self-esteem, and allowing the same of your partner.
I learned this (at least in theory) in my Catholic high school Career and Life Management Class. But you are right about on the job training.
I'm going back to my site and edit the post from Thursday to show you the coding to make a link. For some reason the blogger comment software is thwarting my attempts.
If I had the answers I would be rich...and single!
Just kidding!!!
I love my husband, but boy it is not all sunshine and roses. There are days/weeks/months that it is really hard. We have been married 10 years this year and I certainly don't have all the answers.
Just try to remember what brought you together in the first place. Remember how your heart skipped a beat and how anxious you felt around him. Remember you love him.
Some days it is not easy. And I suck at lifting a mood. Thank goodness he is better at it.
Hang in there!
Hi! I've been married nearly two whole years, so I'm really an expert in this bunch (not!)
I'd have to agree with AlphaDogMa--maintain your own personal integrity, but be willing to bend in order to keep the integrity of the marriage intact. Pynchon and I just had a grumble this morning about the breastmilk: he was supposed to take it out of my bag and put it in the fridge, but he didn't, and we hope it's still good, and boy was I mad because jeez, I can't just MAKE three extra bottles before work ... but it was also my fault, because I didn't remind him, and really, weren't we both just worried that there wouldn't be enough milk?
That's just a minor example. I always try to remember that no matter how mad I am, usually it's not really Pynchon's fault, and that I would really rather be happy than angry, so how can I help to fix it?
Good luck ...
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