Monday, April 30, 2007

scattered

When will I ever feel normal again? I try to be optimistic...I try to act normal. What is normal?
Here is the email I sent tonight to a friend whose daughter goes to preschool with my little Brenna:

I started crying tonight when I found the invite to Viv's dance class in my van. No, really.
I saw it when you put it in our box and was so excited. We're planning to start Brenna at that studio this summer (*Hubby* went to high school with Season) and I knew how much fun that would be for Brenna. I honestly was thinking it was this week. And we missed it.


I've been so lost lately. With two close coworkers literally fighting for their lives with cancer and me picking up the pieces at school while they're gone...and it being my first year of teaching...it has me pretty scattered lately. I miss appointments, forget things, screw up bills and our budget. *Hubby* keeps wondering why I'm so unorganized, he really doesn't get it. So here I am crying puddles over one more thing I've missed.

Sorry for the vent, I just wanted you to know I really wanted to bring Brenna last week. I just missed it.


I can't get anything straight lately. My brain rambles on and on. My body wants to do NOTHING. I try to keep it all together, but suddenly things are tumbling in on me. And tonight it's got me weepy and sad.

5 comments:

Jacqniel said...

Hang in there Melanie - summer is almost here and you will have a chance to breathe. You have had so much on your plate and you have handled it with grace. Remember to let me know how I can help. I feel good most of the time and being busy is good for me. Hugs.

nikki said...

OOOoohhhh Mel..... I hate to tell you this. But I KNEW something wasn't right Saturday night when we were all together. You just weren't you. Jacque is right though..... summer is almost here. Remember when we were in high school and couldn't wait for summer?? Well that will be your EVERY YEAR as long as you are teaching! You can do this Mel. I have faith in you. And remember.... you have my phone number!!! CALL ME!!!

Jenifer said...

We all have these moments and while that cannot change anything for you, just know you are not alone.

Keep on plodding along eventually you will get your groove back.

Michelle said...

Sorry to hear you missed the dance class you wanted to bring Brenna to! I hate when I forget dates and events too; it's so frustrating! Hopefully the summer break will be here soon enough and you'll be feeling more like yourself.

I'm sorry to hear about your coworkers' battle with cancer; they'll be in my prayers.

Mimi said...

I'm so sorry -- I know how you feel. If it helps, just try to step back, establish some boundaries at work. Take a bit of time to get some sleep, to calm down. I know this feeling so well--for me, I find I always have to forgive myself first before I can actually improve things. Best wishes ...