Being at Home

Cheerios on the floor.

Sticky hands, sticky clothes, sticky me.
Little ones bouncing about. Noise everywhere.
Music playing in the background.

Curtains open to let in the winter sun.
I love Saturday.

Just Another Manic Friday

Oh my. It was. It was a really hard day. I can't say I've had a Friday that was any less enjoyable up to this point - knock on wood. The kids were unfocused. I was unfocused. (Oh, and by "the kids", I mean students) So we muddled through the day and I left there as quickly as I possibly could after school was over. I was losing it. Literally.

The great thing is - then tonight was just wonderful. Brenna is actually finishing watching Little Mermaid as I type (I ditched her for a minute to lay Mason down and check my email) and before that we spent the evening playing, laughing, and unwinding. What a nice change of pace from the Hellish day I'd just survived. I hope the whole weekend is as great as tonight was.

So it's always something, isn't it?

From Mush Brain to Scatter Brain

My mind races...thoughts come in droves...I can't settle down to accomplish anything (imagine The Flight of the Bumblebee playing in the background). It's as if I only can count the minutes of day passing and examine how little I've completed on my ever growing list of things to do. It's overwhelming and intimidating. Will I ever feel "caught up"? Is there even such a thing? The cycle is endless - phone calls, paperwork, plans, meetings, issues, crises, more issues, more meetings...

And I love it all. That is the paradox. But how can I quiet the mind to do what it needs to do today? I may have to chew on that a bit. I may have to shut my eyes and just breathe. For today - just breathe.

There is always tomorrow (and that tomorrow is a Friday!). But you can't continually put things off until tomorrow, at some point, it has to get done. Will it be today? Will I be able to accomplish some of it today? Dear Lord, I certainly hope so.

Pasta

Spaghetti and Cheese

Yes, I make goulash. My mom taught me how to make her "recipe" (she doesn't cook with recipes) and it's yummy. So tonight we tried it with organic whole wheat elbow noodles and fat free American cheese melted in it. And it wasn't bad. Not quite the same. But I'm thinking that the benefits outweighed the tiny bit that it was off. My daughter was happy. She goes to an exercise/healthy kids class at school and Coach Erin tells them all about how brown foods are good and white foods are bad. So now Brenna's always asking me whether something is a healthy food or a treat? "Because Mama, you should only eat candy one week a day (she means one day a week). That's what Coach Erin says. But Mama (she whispers), you know what? I really like candy all the time." One more thing for me to add to the list of ways that my daughter is growing up too fast.

So the whole modified healthy goulash was fine, but there's still something very satisfying about regular old pasta and fully fattening cheese!

I know that there are others who are far advanced in the world of healthy diets and using organic products. I sort of am in that I know all about it and how to do it. It's the doing it that's not quite there. It's so easy just to fall back on what you know. And I know GOOD food (i.e. fattening). I grew up in NEBRASKA, not exactly the health food capital of the U.S. We're more about comfort food (and it shows). I'm getting better though. I will give myself credit just for trying. Who knows...maybe the motivation that I'm doing it for my kids to be healthy will be the thing that makes it stick!

Do you eat healthy?

the ugly part

Okay - it's Friday and I'm feeling pretty good. But I read my post from last night and I'm thinking about what's really missing from it. A little bit of honesty. The part about the times when Brenna asks me to be the "mommy" as in "You're the mommy" for playing house and I say no - or just sort of wave her off. Or the worst. Lose my temper.

There's the times when I don't play nice. When I really just want to read my magazine or check my email or watch TV. How does this happen? How does someone with a whole lot of education in human development and education get so lazy and impatient??? And why do I think it's more relaxing to look at an US Weekly or watch some rerun of Reba as opposed to playing Barbies or Peek-a-boo?

Oh, the guilt. The mommy-guilt. Gets me every time. I am determined to be a better mom every day. If anyone can explain how I get over my selfish ways - me, me, me. Please do so.

Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I really don't.

T.G.I.T?

There's something sort of fabulous about Thursday. I can't quite put my finger on it. I think it's the anticipation of pleasure. I really do enjoy my job - it's great while I'm there. But being home, enjoying time with the kiddos. Well, there's not much comparison. And anticipating our wonderful weekend together, well - that's what makes Thursday night great. It's not better than Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. But it's up there. There's just something so nice about feeling like you've almost made it through another week, almost earned another two day reprieve. Almost.

As I sit here, I'm just so content in the fact that things are on their way to just how we want them to be. It's the effort that's gratifying, I think... Work is hard. Marriage is hard. Parenthood is hard. But the Lord blesses that hard work with things like kisses from a three-year old and a good belly laugh from my now 9-month old (just today). And for that, I am blessed.

B says things like "Mommy, you're the mommy (for pretend) and I'm the sister. And it's Halloween. Now you have to answer this door (invisible). Ding Dong." I feel blessed that she lets me into this little wonderful world. I don't know how much longer she'll invite me in. And M's about to embark into the world of toddlerhood. A few short months and he'll be one. No more infancy. He'll be a walking, talking marvel. He's on his way to that already. I had to buy 18 mo. size stuff today because he's so big! B wore such things when she was 18 months old. He's a big boy and it will be such a short time now until he's in preschool. So I'm determined to be content now.

We are young. We make mistakes. Lots of them. But if time is good to us, as it has been to countless others, the images will blur and we'll look back on these times with a smile. For all of the worry, confusion, stress - there are just as many smiles, hugs, and happy tears.

Thank God it's Thursday. Thank God for it all.

Mush Brain

I'm supposed to be doing some work at home. I'm supposed to be done with some paperwork that I was supposed to do at work today or at home tonight. Yeah.

My brain is mush. Hormones? Exhaustion? Not sure. The baby boy, who's almost 9 months old (gasp) has been acting like a new born at night, getting up every 2 or so hours. Found out yesterday that the cut in his mouth where he fell last week is infected and so are both of his ears. Oh. That may explain why he's not sleeping well. And maybe why I can't seem to do any work - except that which is absolutely required of me. Teaching. I've been doing a good job of that. It's all the other stuff. The extra "stuff". Paperwork, calendars, dates, meetings. Yeah...mushy brain.

Luckily - there's this part of me that knows the fog will lift. Hopefully before my meeting later this week, where I'm supposed to have this paperwork done. It will get done, it always does. I just wish it didn't always have to be this way. I'm so predictable. I get this way every time I have a deadline, I always have. It's like my own nerdy rebellion. I always actually get it done, but just have to drag my feet ever so slightly before finding the motivation to get it done.

I can't bear the thought of doing this work. Not tonight. So I think I'll go watch my taped episode of Home Makeover. We gave up DVR and now it's back to VCR. Beats paperwork, that's all I gotta say. That's all I'm gonna say. Good night.

TO DO LIST

There is so much to do and so little weekend. I always make this really ambitious to do list...and then spend the weekend in my pajamas playing with my kids and enjoying TLC or VH1 marathons. Somehow after spending the week running around between home, work, and errands...I am ready to veg by Saturday. And I do.

My dining room table looks like the mail box exploded on it, a few times. My bedroom looks like my closet exploded, a few times. My laundry room...well, there are no words. And I feel like drinking coffee and watching my kids play. And I do.

Then Monday will come and I will regret my weekend of sloth. I will mourn the time wasted on Flip That House episodes and games of Go Fish. Yet...there's that poem about time and enjoying the moment. Something about letting the laundry pile up and letting the dust settle and using your good dishes for a regular old family meal. I guess I'm subscribing to that theory. That I should enjoy the moment for what it is, because my kids won't be young forever and neither will I. So I want to stay in my p.j's today, drink some coffee, and play with my kids. And I do.

Back to Reality

The great thing about being a teacher (aside from the joy of helping young minds expand, etc...) is the breaks. It is definitely a perk. The crappy part is that breaks go really fast and they end. I always enjoy being at work - it's a great job that I have. It's the getting back into the routine - the 5:30 a.m. alarm, the getting two kids to daycare and having them cry as I leave...that all sucks. So tomorrow is back to reality - but what a great break we had! Full of lazy mornings - all day in pajamas days - eating when we feel like it - sleeping when we feel like it - freedom. It's all of that that makes going back to a routine doubly difficult. Oh well - it was good while it lasted!