Friday, January 12, 2007

the ugly part

Okay - it's Friday and I'm feeling pretty good. But I read my post from last night and I'm thinking about what's really missing from it. A little bit of honesty. The part about the times when Brenna asks me to be the "mommy" as in "You're the mommy" for playing house and I say no - or just sort of wave her off. Or the worst. Lose my temper.

There's the times when I don't play nice. When I really just want to read my magazine or check my email or watch TV. How does this happen? How does someone with a whole lot of education in human development and education get so lazy and impatient??? And why do I think it's more relaxing to look at an US Weekly or watch some rerun of Reba as opposed to playing Barbies or Peek-a-boo?

Oh, the guilt. The mommy-guilt. Gets me every time. I am determined to be a better mom every day. If anyone can explain how I get over my selfish ways - me, me, me. Please do so.

Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I really don't.


Jacqniel said...

Hey Lady, The fact that you can recognize this so called 'selfishness' puts you miles ahead of most young working moms. In order to be a good mommy you need to be good to yourself - and make time for yourself and Jay.
You are a hard working, dedicated person - cut yourself some slack. You are a great mom and an awesome teacher. You have done many things in the past months to prove both of these things to me.
Hang in there, Melanie. As you said this time will pass quickly.
I can't wait to see what things Mason will say. Brenna always makes me smile.
Love, Jacque

nikki said...

MELANIE ROSE!!!! HOW can you be so DOWN on yourself?!?!? HOLY COW!!! Look at all you do!!! And WHY you do those things...lose your temper, want ME time..... Is because you are HUMAN!!! Now we know what our moms were talking about when they would say things like, "When was the last time that I just got to sit and have a nice quiet cup of coffee?", or my favorite.... and sweet Lord, how true it is..... "Why can't I even go to the bathroom without worrying about the house blowing up while I am in there?!?!?" Melanie, I stay home with my kids 24/7 LITERALLY, and even I flip at times. I don't know how you can manage a job, two kids, a husband, a home, church..... and yet.... you make it all look so easy. Look at your kids, Melanie!!! THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! They know you love them. It's obvious. Thing is, they are KIDS. They can pull us in 5 million directions at once and I don't care what anyone says.... even SUPPERNANNY couldn't do it all day every day like we do!!!

So.... my advice.... do the laundry when you want to (or absolutely MUST), vacuum when you want, dust if you feel like it...... and if you WANT to take an hour, 15 minutes, whatever.... to yourself even though B wants to play Barbies and Mason wants you to carry him all over the house..... they can wait a few minutes. Is it really going to hurt them? And the thing that I think we lose sight of most as Mommies with hearts as big as ours (and Libras to top it all off) is that our kids really DO need to learn how to entertain themselves. One of my fondest memories of my childhood is playing in my room (either alone or with you is the only way I remember it) with my dolls and playing house. I just wonder how my mom got me to LIKE doing that without her in the room 24/7.

Bottom line.... you are a PHENOMINAL mommy..... cut yourself some slack!! (and realize you aren't the only one that feels this way about yourself.... join the crowd!!! THE MOMMY CROWD!!!!)