I can't quite figure it out.
I feel sad because none of my truly close friends live in the city that I do and I've been unsuccessful at finding a new close friend. I want someone I can call in a pinch and be at their house in 5 minutes. Someone to go see the new movie with me that doesn't need a two-week advanced notice. I've come to the conclusion that it's really hard to make friends as an adult. How do you get to know someone past the small talk if you've never held their hair while they puke in the ditch?
I am always wishing for a busy social calendar.
Yet...
When things get super busy...
All I want to do is stay home and hide out!
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This Is Me
- Melanie D.
- A 40-something teacher, mom to two teens, wife to a principal, Nebraska girl for life.
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10 comments:
Read "The Friendships of Women". It helped me understand I will only have a few "real" friends in my life. But everyone else is my "friend". I don't typically "not like" anyone. Luckily, I've always had my sisters, Nancy from High School, Faye from College, Cathy B from teaching, Joan from ESU 9, and that's about it. I also have a ton of cousins that I can talk about very deep issues with.
I remember those "when the kids were little" days, if it hadn't been for your mom I probably would have become a complete recluse.
Making friends in my 30s is even tougher than finding a man in my 20s. And I did well with the latter, I think I give up on the former.
I have a fair number of friends but I still manage to feel like ol' friendless Joe all the time. And I've never had any luck finding COUPLE friends, a husband-and-wife duo that we both like. Sucky.
After moving to Virginia from NY 4 years ago, I found myself in the same situation.
To compound it, I work remotely from home so I rarely have any social interaction with any other women aside from the teenage checkout girls at the market or the receptionist at the doctor's office.
It almost makes me glad that I'm such a geek, and work for an Internet company, because I would be really miserable if I didn't have so many friends online.
Do cousins count as friends?!?!? I can't be there in 5, but I can be there in 45!!! ;)
I totally get what you are saying. It stinks. But, like you, when I have a full calendar I just wanna be home on the sofa!!!!
I know all about this topic. For the first two years after moving to California I had no close friends. It was really tough being away from family and all the friends I'd had around for years. I would go to the park with Peter so that he could play and hope to meet other moms that way, but I would often just get strange looks when I said hello or tried to talk to someone. I really felt like I didn't fit in. Then after awhile I realized that it wasn't me, it was that the friends I had in NE I had mostly known for years. I didn't become friends with any of these people overnight, although it felt like it.
Just in the last couple of years I can finally say I have a couple of friends. People that I can call when I need a night out and also call when I need help with the kids. But it still isn't the same, because I can't imagine calling these women up when I need to talk about something really personal and emotional. Maybe in a few years I will...sure hope so.
Just because I can't be there in 5 minutes won't mean I don't care. I will always consider you one of my friends.
Those call-up-at-a-moment's-notice friends are the hardest to find in adult life. I find my adult friendships tend to operate on a by-appointment basis. And I have almost no friends anymore who I would call on the phone just to talk.
One thing I think makes a difference is that all my childhood friends were school-friends for YEARS and YEARS: we were in school together, went to each other's houses after school, spent time together on weekends and all summer---or, in college, roomed together. It takes a LOT of time to build up one of those "hold your hair" friendships, and we can't invest that kind of time now that we have families. I don't think it's that we can't get past the small talk, it's that it takes a lot of time.
I hear ya. I think that's why so many of us blog. It's kind of that same stay up all night gabbing that we miss from when we were young. But it's not quite the same. Plus when you have kids the idea of a friend that will just drop everything and hold your hair back while your kid pukes on you is so appealing!
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