Waking Up

There are many women in the world who say that they were never more beautiful than when pregnant. That having a baby made them feel empowered and special and beautiful. For me, it was different. Suddenly, I was invisible. I literally disappeared. Twice.

There was this new person on the planet and my pride, joy, and love was so all-consuming that I suddenly could not care less what I looked like. If I was chubby. If I had even bathed. It just didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was the care and feeding of this tiny angel. This little being that I have given birth to has become the center of my existence. Who has time to care about the calluses on their feet when they've got such responsibility? Who can worry about a few extra pounds when there is this gorgeous new human on the planet. A new person that you made and are now RESPONSIBLE for. So I'm chubby? So I have horrible hair, breath, toe nails? What does it matter? Look how beautiful my baby is, don't look at me.

I can remember with Brenna, when I sort of woke up. I'd say she was around 18 months old. Suddenly I looked in the mirror and thought, man I need a hair cut. Or geez I should shave my arm pits. And hey, I'm still beautiful too.

It's happening again. Mason is 13 months old and for the first time since April 11th, 2006, I sort of care about taking some time to wash my face. Hey, I'll even try out this green tea warming mask that I haven't made time for since I got (wonderful, by the way). Hey, my husband's sort of cute. Maybe he'd like to snuggle.

I love this part of it all. When I feel human again. Alive. It's all part of the cycle, and I love it. I hope that this means maybe I'll try a little harder before leaving the house. Maybe I will shave and primp and wash...just a little. And if I don't, even then, I still feel beautiful.

It is so good to be back.