Sunday, August 19, 2007

Facing It

Have you ever looked in the mirror for so long that it went all blurry? Your face starts to look like someone else, or something else?

That's me - in 2003

I feel that way sometimes now, when I'm looking at the mom face looking back at me.

With each pregnancy, I've put on 50+ lbs. With each birth, I've lost about 25.

Ready to have Mason - 2006

Which is where that leaves me today. I've got 40 lbs to lose.

Me - Version 2007

The year I met my hubs, I had lost 30 lbs of college weight. I was actually looking and feeling good. I had cut out most carbs, as part of a healthy diet that I was on for my back (long story, another post).

That's me in the middle - 2000

My mom face looks so different now, I barely recognize myself. In my mind, I am still the girl with the pointy chin and cute cheek bones.

Most days, I just forget about it and live out my busy life.

Today is one of those days when I think on it and want to do something.

Something to LOSE the weight.

OTJ has posted on her own success. Way to GO!

I just can't seem to find it for myself. That inspiration to do it.

Take out food and fatigue win.

I am going to take this week and get a plan.

It's time that I find a little bit of me when I look in the mirror.

Is that really me??? - 2004

That may mean paying some attention and having a serious conversation with myself.

I just hope that when I go to do it, I'm ready to sit down and listen.


nikkis30by30 said...

I don't care what the scale says you are still by far one of the most beautiful people, both inside and out, that I have ever met in my life. Knowing you makes me a better person. Just be HEALTHY, no matter the numbers.....

Your TIME TO GO HOME post made me laugh. That picture of the kiddos is just hilarious, mainly because we have ALL been there and done that. Guess B can't win them all, huh?? LOL

Jacqniel said...

Melanie - do not spend time yearning for that twenty something girl you used to be. You are a beautiful, almost thirty year old with two gorgeous kids, a job you love (most times) and a good hubby. Remember that post about getting healthy? In my humble opinion, healthy should be the key word. It might not bring you to the size you 'used' to be, but it will give you the energy to deal with all that is thrown at you - which will, in turn, make you happy.

thirtysomething said...

Funny. I was thinking about this same kind of thing this morning as I drank my 3rd cup of coffee WITH cream and sugar. But how can I face my days without the little indulgences I give myself, I asked.
How can I drive through and grab the kids a bite and RESIST the fries?
I too have 15 pounds I would love to lose for good and I have had some success in the past, but i can't seem to find the motivation I found then. Don't know why.
I did lose 28 lbs three years ago on the low-carb diet, but that got old very quickly despite the awesome results and when I went back to normal eating, I gained 5 lbs back.
I do the best I can do now, I run as often as I can, I play with the kids--even if it is just 15minutes of dancing in the living room...we do what we can as moms with our hectic schedules!
And hey, you look fantastic in your pictures by the way! You don't have a need to worry!

Jenifer said...

I so get is time I did something for sure, but doing it all together something else.

I was a size 8 when I met Hubby and now am a 14. I feel heavy and slow and want to lose the weight to feel light and healthy again.

I so get this...and I understand the challenge it is too.

Beck said...

I think you're beautiful NOW, but I know what you mean, definitely - I was a seriously underweight 90 pound girl when I met my husband and I now weigh 60 (eek!) pounds more than that. I'd like to lose 30, but liking isn't having, you know?
It's a hard one!

California mom said...

You are still beautiful!!!! I do understand the desire to lose the weight. Bottom line is that you should do what makes YOU feel better. Don't worry so much about what society says you should look like. I gotta tell you, if I had to look like most of the women here in southern CA I would probably kill myself. I have a realization that I will never be 130 pounds again...but that won't stop me from losing to a point that I can feel better about myself. I really enjoy the feeling I get after going to the gym for a good workout. Wish I could keep that feeling all the time.

Aliki2006 said...

I don't know you well at all but even so I can tell you are beautiful, inside and out. Don't feel so pressured to do something that is hard right now, especially if it makes you feel badly about yourself.

JMC said...

I am right there with you. I have 4 kids, my most recent is 10 months old, and I really want to lose 20 pounds so I can get back in my clothes comfortably. It's so hard when you're always exhausted.

Michelle said...

Isn't it amazing the changes our bodies go through over the years!? Sometimes I think we're not kind enough to ourselves allowing for these changes :) I think you look great! But I can understand the movtivation factor - I am so out of shape - not neccessarily weight-wise, just health wise I'm out of shape. I'm just not very active...I need to motivate myself to do something too!

Alpha DogMa said...

I was struck by how much you look like you in each photo. Big smile. Lovely eyes. But the dark hair in the first photo threw me for a second.
I always stress the difference between being thin or being healthy.

Alpha DogMa said...

Okay...I've come back to reread my post and found half it missing. But I've no clue what I've left off. Something deep, no doubt...well, okay NOT.

Mimi said...

You are seriously one good-lookin' lady. You have BEAUTIFUL eyes. Very distinctive. And lovely skin. I'm developing a crush on you actually. That photo of you pregnant with Mason is just gorgeous.

It's hard to be good to yourself when you're tired. I know that, too. It's always easier for me to have a coffee, a cookie, a Kitkat, a brownie. A nap. I don't know if this is even about weight--I think I'm 2 pounds heavier than I used to be, but I keep trying to get back to exercising and healthy eating and I constantly sabotage myself. Like AD says, being thin is not healthy. How can we want to be healthy, but not manage to do it, when we are so competent in so many other areas?

I don't know.

You are worth the effort it will take to treat your body well, to eat well and move well. To look good. If you figure out how, could you tell me?

Swistle said...

Sometimes it's weight, sometimes it's just age. We're never going to look like school girls again. I find that both discouraging and reassuring--reassuring that I don't have to try to look 25, since I'm (discouraging) not going to succeed.